Can you imagine a more uncomfortable and awkward situation than knowing that your friend's partner is unfaithful and deciding if and how you should let them know? Certainly not. The situation may seem obvious, but there are a lot of things to consider before saying what you know. Start by making sure you really have to break the news. To do this, you will need to have a compassionate discussion with your friend. Then be sure to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically if the consequences turn out to be negative.
Method 1 of 3: Make the decision to inform him / her
Step 1. Be sure of yourself
Before you jump at the chance and call your friend to tell them all about it, you need to make sure that what you saw was indeed an act of infidelity. Know that you are going to create problems for no good reason if it turns out that your friend's partner was only having lunch with a distant relative or coworker. So take the time to carefully analyze what you saw, in case it was something totally innocent.
Were your friend's partner and the person you saw hugging, holding hands or kissing? What reaction makes you think that your friend's partner is unfaithful?
Step 2. Get hard evidence
If you are fully confident that the exchanges you have seen suggest infidelity, do everything to have proof. You may not need to use it, but know that it is best to have it, just in case you decide to share the information and your friend doesn't believe you.
- You could record a video or take a photo of your friend's partner with their lover.
- Be discreet if you decide to do this.
Step 3. Think about what you know about the relationship
You must be willing to admit that your friend and their partner are in an open relationship. Indeed, these relationships in which the two partners agree to go out with other people are more and more common these days. You might assume that his partner is unfaithful, when he is just allowed to hang out with other people.
- Some people in open relationships have a mutual understanding, but they may not share the dynamics of their relationship with their friends or family members. As such, it's possible that your friend might not mind their partner dating another person, and he (or she) may not have told you about it.
- Be aware that meddling in their relationship could put you and your friend in an embarrassing situation.
Step 4. Evaluate the disadvantages and advantages
Consider the consequences of telling your friend what you know. You might immediately feel like talking about it is the “right” thing to do, but it may not be best for him. So take the time to think about the advantages and disadvantages of informing her about her partner's infidelity.
Make a list of pros and cons that present the positive and negative aspects of breaking the news to your friend. One of the benefits could be: "She will know that her partner is unfaithful." ", Whereas the inconveniences could be summed up to:" she will be angry with me for telling her the news "or" she is already fragile, because she has been the victim of infidelity in the past. The news will certainly upset her. "
Step 5. Put yourself in your friend's shoes
The other smart way to make this decision is to empathize. Ask yourself what your friend would do if they were you. Consider what you know about your friend, their beliefs, and their personality.
- Is your friend a very honest person? Does he find it hard to believe anything negative about his partner?
- Use what you know to think about how your friend might react to the news and whether letting them know is a smart move.
Step 6. Avoid telling other friends you have in common
Your first instinct may be to call another friend and tell them what you know. You may not necessarily do this to spread rumors, but to get advice from him. Just avoid it. Sure, it can be nice to “share the burden” with another friend, but be aware that this is disloyal. Avoid discussing your mate's personal stories with someone else who knows him or his partner.
Talking to another mutual friend could spread the rumor. It can also create drama if your friend decides not to act on the information
Method 2 of 3: Chat with your friend
Step 1. Choose the perfect place and time
Telling a friend sensitive information is bad enough. Avoid doing this immediately or when you are still angry. Wait until you are calm and decide what to say. Pick a time when the two of you will be alone.
- Instead of breaking the news to your friend in a public place, like a restaurant that can look like an aquarium, go to a private place, like a quiet yard or a park bench.
- Avoid talking to your friend at a time or place where their partner might be involved in the discussion.
Step 2. Bring up the topic by asking questions about the relationship
You could easily bring up the subject by asking your friend to tell you more about how the relationship is going. Starting this way can also give you an opportunity to talk about infidelity.
- For example, you can express yourself like this: "How's it going between you and Brittany?" Use the answer he gives you to determine how you will approach the subject.
- If your friend thinks everything is going well, you can say, "Hmm … well, maybe I misinterpreted the situation …"
- If he (or she) admits that the relationship has been rocky lately, you can put it this way: “I'm sorry to hear, but that's why I wanted to talk to you. "
Step 3. Speak with compassion
Be considerate and direct when announcing that your friend's partner is unfaithful. Use a gentle, caring tone. You can also hold your friend's hand or rub their shoulder as you break the news.
It may be a good idea for you to express yourself in these terms: “It's really hard for me to do it, but I felt obligated. I saw Denis with another woman the other day. They were having lunch in town. "
Step 4. Ask your friend if he (or she) would like to see the evidence
Avoid directly assuming that your friend will want to see the evidence. He may need to digest the news before he has to watch a video or see the photos. Just tell him you have them, in case he wants to see them.
You can express yourself this way: “I couldn't believe what I saw and for this reason I took a picture. I have it, in case you want to see it. "
Step 5. Try to avoid a friendship breakup
Your friend can be overwhelmed by a lot of emotions when you let them know about their partner's infidelity. He may hold you accountable for his feelings and try to distance himself. In this kind of situation, it may be a good idea to anticipate what you think he might be doing and tell him not to do it.
For example, you can put it this way: “We've been friends for years, so it was really hard for me to do that. I don't want to see you in pain, but it wouldn't be good for me to keep such information from you. I know you might want to reject me or take it out on me. Please don't do this. It doesn't matter what you decide to do with this information, it's up to you, but please allow me to be there to support you. "
Method 3 of 3: Take care of yourself after the discussion
Step 1. Consider that your friend can distance himself
Even if you beg him not to reject you, know that he could still do it. He may want to distance himself from you by seeing you as the bearer of bad news. In addition, if he decides not to end his relationship with his partner, he may prefer not to be reminded of his (or her) infidelity by deciding not to talk to you or you again. see.
- One of the avoidance signs you might see is that your friend will pretend he's always “busy” when you try to make plans together or stop answering your phone calls.
- Expect him to react this way and know that there is nothing you can do about it.
Step 2. Talk to an impartial friend
It can be helpful to discuss the situation with someone you trust after letting your friend know. You may decide to do this if you are upset by his reaction to you, or if you just need some advice on what to do to move forward. Make sure you choose someone who is not affected by the situation and who does not know your friend or partner.
Step 3. Take care of yourself
Be gentle with yourself and keep in mind that you did what you thought was best for your friend. Avoid blaming yourself for saying what you know. Take the time to take care of your well-being as well as your physical and mental health.
- While you might regret telling your friend about their partner's infidelity because of the differences and stress it caused, keep in mind that hiding such important information could have been everything. also stressful.
- Eat balanced meals, make sure you get good rest, and exercise regularly.
- You can also do calming activities like meditation, visit a spa, take a hot bath, go for a hike outside, or read a book.