Have you ever had a friend for a long time? It probably is. All of a sudden, you realize that you are in love with someone you only had platonic feelings for before. This happens a lot, which is why you should not think that it is something weird. It can be more devastating than loving anyone else because you and that person have a long history in common. This will endanger your friendship and your romantic feelings and the situation can be painful for both parties.
Part 1 of 3: Take some space for yourself
Step 1. Avoid your best friend for a while
Be polite and considerate in the way you do this. You don't want to completely reject the healthy relationship you've built between the two of you, but you need to take care of your emotions. Don't make an active effort to see it on a daily basis.
- There are many ways to set safe and respectful boundaries between you and that person. If you see yourself, you can stay open without giving it your full attention. Protect yourself without putting it aside.
- Prepare logical excuses for your behavior. You might feel like you're cheating on your friend, especially if you've always been honest with them. Just know that you are doing it because you need some time to move on.
- The problems of other financiers are always understandable, especially if it means that you have to stay longer at work. If you work overtime, you are more tired and fatigue is always a good excuse.
Step 2. Make sure your emotions are valid
Before you create extreme distance, you need to make sure that you are genuinely in love with your best friend. There is incredible pressure on the situation because you take the risk of damaging your relationship irreparably.
- When you are in love, the central dopamine levels in your brain increase, allowing you to focus on the person you are falling in love with. This person will occupy your thoughts for a good part of the day, and you might feel like you are developing an obsession.
- It is unlikely that if you are in love, you will be thinking about another person at the same time. Your thoughts are going to be mostly positive, as you ignore each other's faults because of your romantic feelings.
- If you feel like this, you might be falling for your best friend.
- You need to make sure that you don't have these emotions because you feel lonely or because you have a strong platonic bond with that person. When you reflect on how you feel, you run the risk of misinterpreting the friendship between the two of you and mistaking it for love. Make sure you don't project your romantic feelings onto your friend because you want a relationship with someone and they seem to be what you want.
Step 3. Accept the pain
There is nothing worse after going through an emotionally difficult situation like rejection than having to push back and hide your romantic feelings. It is even worse if you have to convince yourself that you are not allowed to feel what you are feeling.
- If you judge your emotions or tell yourself that you are not allowed to have them, you are hiding from the reality of your pain.
- Even though it is incredibly difficult to deal with heartache, you are going to get stronger once it is over. You will also spend less time rehashing it if you accept your emotions and try to focus on the present moment.
Step 4. Tell yourself it's not your fault
If you allow this rejection to shake your whole being, you won't have a chance to get over your pain. Even if it takes a little more effort, you need to make a conscious effort to improve your self-esteem.
- Remember that rejection is not the result of your personality. Your best friend may be dealing with serious issues with their own identity. He might be afraid to engage with you because of his fears and insecurity.
- Being alone will help yourself to develop and even if it seems like an insurmountable pain to you, you will get stronger afterwards.
- Try to see it as an opportunity to improve yourself or take the time to work on your own goals. Rejection has the potential to motivate you because you can use these negative emotions to fuel your momentum. If you let yourself fall into a spiral of self-criticism, you won't be able to get past the pain. Remember that rejection is inevitable, it will let you see that your current situation is not that important.
Part 2 of 3: overcoming a heartache
Step 1. Avoid forgetting it completely
Even though it might seem counterproductive, you don't want to erase that person completely from your thoughts. When you try to dismiss all of that person's thoughts, you're probably going to start thinking about them again when you don't want to. This will make it much more difficult for you to move on.
- Known as the “rebound effect”, when you try to suppress a certain thought from your mind, it is sure to come back to your mind later. This is the case with all addictions or obsessions.
- Every time you start to think about the person you love, you have to acknowledge their existence despite the pain. You don't have to panic, and you don't have to believe that it means you'll never be able to move on.
Step 2. Learn to love yourself
When you are rejected by the person you love, you will immediately feel a lot of self-hatred and insecurity. You've staked everything on this relationship, and you're probably going to feel like you've failed somewhere. It is essential to regain your self-confidence to overcome this difficult ordeal.
- You need to learn to reconnect with your emotions in the present instead of thinking about the mistakes of the past. Meditation can help you refocus your mind on the present moment.
- A simple session of meditation in the lotus position can be useful to start. Keep your spine straight and put your hands on your heart. Keep palms together with thumbs and little fingers aligned. Concentrate on the tip of your nose and breathe.
- When you let go of the fear and anxiety of the past, you can use the energy you have gained to move forward with strength.
Step 3. Go back to your friendships
It is essential that you lean on your loved ones to overcome heartache. Remember that these friendships are necessary for your well-being and that you have been treated well by your friends in the past. If you have great friends, you know you can be yourself in their company.
Depending on the nature of your romantic feelings towards your best friend, you may have distanced yourself from your other relationships for a while. Since you can no longer focus on just that person, you can redirect your energy to the healthier relationships in your life
Step 4. Remember that your feelings are not facts
After a painful heartache, you will find yourself tangled up in different emotions. You might feel anxiety, anger, or deep grief, among other things. However, remember that while these emotions do exist, they are not an absolute fact.
Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche coined the phrase “real, but false” and you should remember this as you learn to deal with these emotions. You can recognize the feelings you are having without giving them absolute power
Step 5. Get out without waiting for a serious relationship
Although it will take some extra effort, you might find it helpful to date someone else, even if you are still recovering. However, you should not try to find a replacement. You should try to spend time with someone else in a romantic, yet relaxed atmosphere.
- Don't talk about your sad story all the time. You shouldn't overwhelm the person you're dating with your situation.
- Even if nothing happens, you will find comfort in the connection you will feel with another person.
- If you create a profile for yourself on OKCupid or some other dating site, you will at least get positive comments from strangers. It won't solve your problem, but you can start to heal by using positive words from people around you.
Step 6. Give your best friend some kindness
Although this is a necessary step after each heartbreak, it is all the more necessary if the person you love has held an important place in your heart for a long time. Any nastiness you might send him will only make the problem worse.
- This might seem counterproductive to you, especially if that person has broken your heart recently, but you will be able to move on more easily if you show your kindness to them. It can also add to your inner peace and stability while removing a lot of your cynicism.
- That doesn't mean you have to show your love for that person in a tangible way. Don't give her your attention on the internet or texting her. However, you can wish him all the best in the world.
Part 3 of 3: rebuilding your friendship
Step 1. Make sure you both still want your friendship
Even if it is the worst case scenario in this kind of situation, it is possible that the confusion caused by the situation has distanced you even further from each other. You're probably going to be the one who can't get on with it because your feelings aren't mutual.
- If you've taken the time to be alone and get back in the saddle, you can decide if you're ready to be friends again.
- Don't blame yourself for having trouble moving on. It might take you longer than you imagined.
- The more time you spend away from each other, the more you might develop feelings for other people. It may or may not help you move on.
Step 2. Spend time as a group
It will be much easier for you to manage your friendship if you don't spend a lot of one-on-one time with your best friend. It is still important to keep your limits with this person, even if it is difficult. You might think you need to keep doing everything you were doing before. However, for now, you should avoid any activity that is too intimate or private.
Think about the type of relationship you have together. You might not be able to spend some time alone watching TV, but you might still be able to continue having a drink or coffee together
Step 3. Be content with your relationship the way it is
Remember, if your friend is happy, so must be. This is when you will show maturity. You love your friend and want them to be happy no matter what their decision is.
- Make sure you actively seek a solution to resolve the embarrassment between the two of you. Find new limits.
- You are both going to have to change your expectations and ask yourself what it is you are now allowed to do, which is why you have to accept the current situation first.
- It's better to have a really good lifelong friend rather than a short one, which is why you need to understand that if you move on to a more intimate relationship, it might feel a little weird to you. Sometimes it's better to have an extraordinary friendship than a casual romantic relationship.
- Give yourself time. You can never know if your friend is going to change their mind, especially if you continue with the emotional intimacy of your friendship. In the worst case, you will overcome the pain and try to be the best friends in the world again.
- It's hard to move on after a rejection. If that person doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, you have to accept them.