We all need space, and some people need it more than others. While it may seem paradoxical, giving a friendship a margin allows the relationship to be healthy. In order to maintain a serious or lasting relationship, it is important that you are able to ask for what you want.
Method 1 of 3: Take a subtle approach
Step 1. Get an idea of what you need
If you are able to express your feelings and needs without being defensive, you will always be less likely to hurt someone's feelings. Make an effort to explain in great detail how you are feeling and help the person identify your needs.
- For example, you could say, “I had a week of hard work. In the best of all possible worlds, I would be able to stay in bed all day. Can I ask you a favor? Would you mind if we don't go out tonight? "
- If you need more time, you can say, “I'm going through a very busy time right now and I really need the time to think about a lot of things. Can you do me a favor? Its very important. Would you mind if we didn't go out or chat for a few weeks? "
Step 2. Follow a scenario
If you want to decline invitations in a polite manner, but are shy, just follow a scenario. This will help you not to apologize all the time. It's okay to say no without saying “I'm sorry”. The following sentences are a few examples.
- When you just want to decline an offer, say, “My week has been very busy. I think I need to rest tonight. Thanks anyway ! "
- When you don't want to go out with a whole bunch, say, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have to decline. Could you make dates just for the two of us? I want to get away from certain group situations. "
- When you don't want to go out one night, but want to meet another time, say, "Sounds like a lot of fun!" Can we put it off until another time? "
- When you don't want to be friends with someone anymore, say, "I don't know how to say it, but I think we're really not meant for each other." I'm going to put this relationship on the back burner for a while. "
Step 3. Suggest a solution
Whenever you ask a friend to give you space, you risk causing them to feel rejected. If you want to keep this relationship, you have the option of alleviating this feeling by offering another option.
- If you don't feel like going to a public place, might you be willing to just hang out together at home?
- If you just want to be alone right now, could you make other dates for next week?
- If you want to get away for a good while, could you agree to just text each other once or twice a week?
Step 4. Consider their needs
All relationships involve give and take. If this is a relationship you want to keep, consider your friend's needs as you assert your own need for space.
- If your friend needs some attention or comfort before they feel happy, you might agree to hear from them.
- If he may have realized that he needs attention and comfort, he may be satisfied in some other way while you are re-energizing.
Step 5. Avoid lying
Whatever you do, don't try to make up a lie to avoid coming out. It is quite normal to want to take up space. There is nothing to be sorry or to be ashamed of and for that you have no reason to lie. If you do this, you will not feel good and you will not be enjoying the space that has been given to you. Chances are your friend will find out anyway!
- The truth is almost always uncovered, it does more damage than a lie.
- If you ask him for space your friend may feel bad, but if you lie to him and he learns it it will be much worse and he will not trust you anymore.
Method 2 of 3: Take a straightforward approach
Step 1. Wait until you are not angry
Your need for space can sometimes be more serious than just wanting to recharge your batteries. If the reason you want to walk away from someone is because they irritate you, wait until you cry out and tell them.
You will be more relaxed and can better express why you need the space
Step 2. Practice what you will say
If the conversation is more controversial, you better rehearse the discussion in advance.
- Start by making a plan of the most important points you will cover. What would you like to let your friend know?
- Once done, practice speaking in front of the mirror.
- If you think you might be forgetting something important, you can still keep the plan with you.
Step 3. Simply express yourself
Whichever way you plan to proceed, the most important thing is to say what you have to say. Getting ready is a great way to a point. Then you have to take the plunge. Don't overthink it and put it off. Just take your phone and call.
If you find it easier, it is still possible to do it in person. Avoid doing this online, however, as your post may be misinterpreted
Step 4. Set limits
If you see that your friend is constantly invading your space, or if you feel like your request for space has not been granted, you might set limits. Clearly defined boundaries are the foundation of a healthy relationship.
- Explain which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
- For example, you might allow him to call or e-mail you, but you might not be okay with him coming to you without warning.
- If you want to end the friendship completely, it is important that you make these boundaries clear.
Step 5. Be persistent
Your need for space will not go away. If you need space, make sure you have it. Subtle approaches can be a big help at times and with some people you may be more direct. However, there is a good chance that you will state your need for space more than once.
Stick to it! Claiming the space you need is a great act of self-esteem
Method 3 of 3: Decide you need the space
Step 1. Ask for space because you are exhausted or busy
You may be having a stressful week or feeling like you're doing too much. Give yourself the private moment you need to recover by stepping away from your friend.
Remember, setting aside time for yourself is not selfish! If you don't feel good with your friends (or even worse), take a break …
Step 2. Ask for space because you are an introvert
It is normal to need to spend some time alone. Everyone occupies various places in the introvert-extrovert spectrum. Do you find yourself rejuvenating yourself by spending time alone? If so, you may be more introverted. This means that having space for yourself is essential for your well-being!
- Explain that you are not depressed, shy, or lonely. Say that sometimes you just like to be alone and it is absolutely nothing personal.
- If all you say is that you want to be alone, your friend may be concerned and think something is wrong. He may not understand that this is normal.
Step 3. Ask for space because your friend is causing a lot of drama
We often need to distance ourselves from friends because they only add stress to our life. If you have a friend who is doing drama, stay away from them. In almost all cases, it is a good idea to let things calm down.
- If you like to talk to this person, you can do so when the storm is over.
- With these kinds of friends, it is important to discourage gossip, otherwise you may end up in dire situations with other people.
Step 4. Ask for space because your friend is inconsistent
After a while, it can be tiring. Are you tired of making plans with a friend so that they end up not coming or changing the time? You can decide to stop making plans with it.
This may motivate him to stop being fickle and take on his responsibilities better
Step 5. Decide on the type of space you want
Before you know how you can make this request, you need to identify the type of space you need. If you want to get away just for one night, you might choose to take a subtle approach. On the other hand, if you want to review the whole nature of your relationship, your approach must be more direct.
- Do you just need an evening of rest?
- Don't you want to go out with this friend one-on-one anymore, but will be doing it in groups (or vice versa)?
- Will you like to change the relationship itself (or even end it)?
- Realize that you can't please everyone all the time.
- The best option would always be to be honest, even as a last resort, if the approach hasn't worked.
- Always put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to be considerate.
- Don't put pressure on your friends.