Many people have had to end a romantic relationship before, but it can be even more difficult to end a friendship. If you have a conflict that you know you can't resolve or just don't have much in common with, it's time to say goodbye. You can let your friendship fade naturally, go head-to-head with your friend, or just cut all ties. Either way, it's important to prepare yourself to deal with the emotions you will experience when this is over.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Confront the person
Step 1. Make an appointment
Pick a location and time. If you don't want the other person to have to guess why you don't want to see them anymore, your best bet is to talk to them face to face. Parks and cafes are good places for this kind of conversation because they are public and neutral. Although emotions may be intense during your exchange, you are both likely to remain calm in public.
- Avoid planning a long meal together, as you may want to leave before the food is even served.
- If you don't want to see your friend in person, you can talk to them on the phone. Avoid doing this by texting, as it will be more difficult to express yourself fully and have a real conversation.
- Don't end your friendship in front of people you both know, as it can be extremely embarrassing and hurtful.
Step 2. Explain your reasons
Tell the person honestly why you don't want to be their friend anymore. Did your boyfriend cheat on you with her? Does she spend her time putting you down? Whatever the reason, now is the time to talk about it clearly. It takes courage to tell your friend exactly what is bothering you, but in the end, she'll no doubt appreciate knowing exactly what's going on.
There is still a case where honesty is not the nicest way to end a friendship: if you just don't love the person anymore without them having done anything for it. deserve, there is no reason to tell him. In this case, it is better to let the relationship end naturally little by little
Step 3. Let your friend do the talking
When you're done, he's likely to get on the defensive, apologize to you, or do a bit of both. Listen to what he has to say to you in case there is any chance that you want to maintain your friendship anyway. If there may have been a misunderstanding, it is important that you know it. If this is not possible, continue the process to end your relationship.
Step 4. Set limits
Maybe you want to cut ties immediately, or maybe you don't mind seeing the other person when you're in a group every now and then. Either way, make sure her understand without a doubt that this is a breaking point and that things are going to be very different from now on. Explain what boundaries you want to meet right away so that you don't be tempted to cross them later.
- If you never want to communicate with the person again, tell them that you won't be hearing from them from now on and that you don't want them to contact you either.
- If you don't mind seeing her in a group, but you don't feel like seeing her alone, say so. You can also tell him or her that you are open to the possibility of renewing your friendship later, but you really have to mean it. Otherwise, she may constantly try to contact you when you want her to leave you alone. Explain your expectations without any ambiguity to avoid confusion.
Step 5. Respect your limits
If the person tries to get in touch with you or try to get hold of you, don't respond. You've said what's on your mind, you've listened to her back, and you no longer have any obligation to her. Just like in a breakup, when you end a friendship, you are no longer responsible for the other person at all.
It's easier said than done. If your old friend is very sad, it can be very difficult not to answer their messages or calls. However, if you really want to end your friendship, you shouldn't let him break your boundaries. You will just give him false hope and the situation will be even more difficult in the future
Method 2 of 3: Let the friendship end naturally
Step 1. Don't struggle
If you move further and further away from each other, don't try to struggle. This is the best solution in the event that you simply become less and less close. Maybe you have no real reason to not like that person anymore, and you are just more interested in other people and things. Start doing what you want with your time, spending it with people you care about, and doing things that you enjoy. Chances are your friend will do the same and you will start to pull away from each other without having to put in much effort.
Step 2. Stop communicating
End messages and calls. In order for your friendship to end, you need to cut down on communications. Stop contacting the person to schedule activities or just to chat. Stop starting conversations online, by text message or by any other means. You will still be able to chat when you see your friend in person (for example, if you are in the same group of friends), but avoid unnecessary communication.
- When two friends are naturally ready to go their separate ways, it's easy to communicate less often. You both probably want to do something else anyway, and it won't be hard not to talk to you when you don't need to.
- On the other hand, if the person doesn't feel the same way as you about your friendship, they may be hurt if you communicate less often. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to avoid hurting someone when you end a friendship. Either way, you need to decide if you really want to end it and choose a method.
Step 3. Talk about trivialities
Friends become close by having intense and personal exchanges that allow them to get to know each other well. To detach yourself from a friend, stop having these conversations. When speaking, limit yourself to superficial subjects, as if you were speaking to a casual acquaintance. If you continue to communicate like real friends, it will be more difficult to let your friendship end.
- If the person wants to talk about very personal things, like their relationship with their boyfriend, redirect the conversation to something more mundane. Change the subject so that she doesn't have a chance to talk to you about her deep feelings.
- Eventually she will realize that you don't speak the way you did before. She may confront you about it or just distance herself. Prepare for both eventualities.
Step 4. Politely decline invitations
It may take a little while for your friend to realize that your friendship doesn't really matter to you anymore. To create this distance, decline invitations politely, but firmly. If you are invited to a group activity, you can participate, but avoid being alone with them, as you will simply give them the wrong impression.
Then again, if she's not ready to end your friendship, you'll hurt her by refusing her invitations. It's up to you to decide whether it's nicer to be more direct and make it clear to her why you never agree when she offers to do something
Step 5. Find excuses
If you really don't want to tell the other person the truth, find excuses to decline their invitations. Say you don't have time, that your family is visiting you, that you have too much work, etc. It might seem like the easy way out, as it's not very honest behavior towards a friend, but if you have a good reason to end your friendship and don't feel able to handle a confrontation, this apology will be fine. quite effective.
Step 6. Let the relationship fade away
Wait for it to end gradually. In the best case, the person will understand that your friendship is no longer important to you and will decide to walk away too. On the other hand, if she asks you what is going on, you may need to provide her with an explanation. Be prepared for her to react this way, because she may care more about you than you care about her.
Step 7. Cut all the bridges
If the person you no longer want to see has manipulated you or been physically or emotionally abusive, you don't owe them anything. You don't even have to treat her courteously. Just cut off all contact with her, remove her from your social media contacts, and avoid seeing her whenever possible.
If you try to talk to her about it, she may just end up making you think it was you who wronged her. Don't get caught up in such a story. If you know that the person is going to make things very difficult for you, cut all ties without telling them
Method 3 of 3: Manage the consequences
Step 1. Manage each other's emotions
It is never easy to be rejected, whether you deserve it or not. Be prepared for the person to cry, beg you to be friends, or get angry. If you've had enough strength to end your relationship, you have enough strength to deal with the consequences. Try not to get caught up in your old friend's emotions. Remember to respect the limits you have set and if necessary, cut all bridges.
Step 2. Beware of his reaction
Watch out for passive aggressive behavior. It is sometimes possible that an old friend will try to make your life difficult with small, devious acts, especially if you are in the same school or work in the same place and have to see each other often. He may be trying to turn your other friends against you, spread rumors about you, or make you look bad. Stay strong and tell yourself that if he behaves in such a nasty way, you were right to end your friendship.
- If his passive aggressive behavior turns downright aggressive, you may need to do something about it. If this is happening in a school or work setting, talk to a teacher or your supervisor. Try to provide evidence that the person is targeting you.
- You may even be able to use the court system. If the person does not leave you alone and their behavior is harassing, you can ask for a removal order.
Step 3. Manage your other friendships
Be aware that your breakup may have consequences for your relationships with other friends. Ending a friendship often has an effect on the people you both know. If you were part of the same group of friends, it might be quite awkward for a while. Hopefully other people won't choose sides, but if they do, at least you'll know who your real friends are.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
You will no doubt feel a sense of freedom after breaking up with a bad friend. Nevertheless, these ruptures are often harsh. It's emotionally difficult to let someone down, and the consequences can last a lot longer than you think. Once the relationship is officially over, make an effort to spend time with people who make you feel good. Surround yourself with those you love and try to let go of your old friendship.
It is also possible that you will be very sad to lose the good parts of your friendship with this person. After all, you were friends for a reason, even though the relationship ended up falling apart. Sadness is completely normal in this situation
Advice
- Be very careful when cutting bridges. It can be extremely difficult to renew a friendship. If you do decide to finish one, be completely sure that this is what you want to do.
- Seek advice from family and other friends, especially those who know your friend well and can help you better understand your situation. These people may give you good advice depending on your specific case.
- After telling the person how you feel and ending your friendship, it will hurt, but do things that make you happy. You will eventually make new, strong friendships.
- If you're not daring to confront your friend on your own, ask someone like your CPE or a peer to act as a neutral mediator to help you manage the conversation.
- Your mutual friends may feel pressured to choose sides. Be prepared to talk about your feelings with them or potentially losing other friends.
- The most important thing in any relationship is the exchange of energies. If you feel drained or embarrassed with someone and have an opportunity to walk away from them, do it. Redirect the energy you gave that person back to yourself. You will start to feel much better!
- If you have friends in common, beware, as the person may be speaking badly to them about you. If you are adults and work together, be especially careful, as she may speak badly about you to a supervisor.
- If she asks you to be her friend again, politely say no. You had good reason to end your friendship. If you take her back and have to break up your relationship again, you'll hurt yourself even more.
- To avoid harassment and inconvenience down the road, remove the person from your social media contacts where other people on their side can accuse you and make the situation worse.
- Don't doubt yourself. If your old friend is trying to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into feeling bad, try not to believe him. If you need to be reassured and know you're not at fault, talk to someone you trust.