How do you tell someone you don't want to be their friend anymore? The answer will depend in part on whether it is a close friend or a vague acquaintance. If it's not someone you know well, you can let the relationship fade and come undone on its own. However, if it is a close friend, you will have to tell them in person.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: End a relationship with a close friend
Step 1. Schedule a time when you can see this person face to face
Send him a text or an email asking him to meet you in a neutral place. If you live in the same city, this will be the best way to have the conversation where you end your friendship.
- If your friend asks you what you want to talk about, stay vague. For example, you could say, “I just want to tell you about some of the decisions I've made. If he (she) insists, remind him / her that you want to speak to him / her in person.
- If your friend lives in another city, send them a text or email asking them to schedule a time to chat on the phone. Obviously, it would be best to talk to him in person, but if you live far from each other, you might not have a choice.
- Be aware that in writing your words could be misinterpreted. This is part of the reason that speaking directly to the person will be the best solution, even if it will be difficult.
Step 2. Prepare yourself
You may have wanted to break free from this friendship for some time now, but when you are facing your friend, you will need to make it clear to them why you are ending this relationship.
- If you must tell him what actions or behaviors he or she contributed to your decision, think of a gentle and as kind way as possible to phrase your sentence.
- You might not want your friend to know why you are ending your friendship and you have a right to do so. You have the right to be vague or to use phrases such as "things have changed on my side …"
- Know that you don't have to justify your decision or defend yourself.
Step 3. Realize that your decision might surprise your friend
He might be sad or angry when you hear of your decision. He might also want to mend the relationship. You will then need to decide in advance if you would be ready to work on this friendship or if your decision is final.
- If he gets angry, you should be prepared to take care of yourself. No need to make a scene: just leave the scene.
- Unless you've decided you're ready to mend this friendship, be brief. You don't have to take care of your friend until they are feeling better. Just explain your decision to her and let her know that it's time for the two of you to move on.
- Don't get caught up in a debate about the merits of your decision.
Step 4. Realize that there will likely be collateral losses
If you and this person have been friends for a long time, you probably have some mutual friends. They might be forced to choose sides between you and your old friend.
- Resist the temptation to tell all your friends what your ex-friend did to cause you to end your friendship.
- Try not to think that you have to defend your decision in front of your friends, as this will only make the situation worse.
Step 5. Don't talk about what your old friend did
Just explain that you made this decision. Your close friends might understand your reasons without you having to explain them to them.
- Your mutual friends might also try to get you to reconsider your decision. If so, redirect the conversation. Remind your friends that you are trying to move on.
- Don't try to turn anyone against your ex-boyfriend. If you lose friends because of your decision, they probably weren't very good friends anyway.
Step 6. Go ahead
Don't dwell on your decision: what's done is done. You've made the best decision you can, after giving it a lot of thought. Now you don't even have to think about it. Going over your choices or defending your decision (even if it's just for you!) Would only make the process take longer.
- It might be weird for you not to have this person in your life anymore, but you will survive it.
- Make sure you spend time with other friends. Try to do new things and discover new places with your other friends.
Step 7. Take care of yourself
Eat well, rest, and do things you love. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, and understand that ending a friendship can lead to heartache.
- Focusing on the positive aspects of your life (the things you love about your current life) will help you not feel sad that you have lost a friend.
- If you find yourself slipping into negative feelings, practice redirecting your mind to more positive thoughts.
Method 2 of 2: End a friendship with a boyfriend
Step 1. Use the progressive method
You may see this person less and less, gradually, naturally, or you may need to consciously apply these steps. This will be a way to let the person know that you no longer want to be their friend, without having to tell them verbally.
- This method will be appropriate for simple friends, who are not that close.
- If the person is a new friend, it will be less about ending a friendship than about letting them know that you have never really been a friend.
- Ending a friendship this way might take longer.
Step 2. Decline their invitations
One way to start limiting your contact with this person is to decline their invitations. You might then have to lie to her a little bit to find your way out.
For example, if the person suggests that you go see a movie on the weekend, say something like "That sounds good to me, but I already have a lot of things planned for this weekend, so it's not going to be possible.". "
Step 3. Keep the conversations short
You might come face to face with this person as you try to put some distance between the two of you, and then you need to know how to deal with these situations. Ignoring the person can hurt them and make the situation awkward. Instead, make up an excuse to explain why you can't stay and chat with her.
- For example, you could politely say hello to the person and then say something like, "I'm sorry, I can't stay and chat. I'm already late. Maybe another time ! "
- Try to be as polite and understanding as possible. Even if you don't want to be friends with that person anymore, you can't tell when you'll run into them again, and being polite will save you from awkward situations in the future.
Step 4. End the relationship more actively
If your attempts to gradually and politely end the friendship don't work, you may need to make it clear to that person that you don't want to be their friend. You might have to be blunt and say something like, “You're a great person, but we're just so different. I wish you the best, but I think we should stop seeing each other."
Try to avoid playing dead. Playing dead consists of cutting off all contact with the person without giving an explanation. For example, you would ignore the person's texts and emails, stop answering their calls, and delete them from your friends on social media. This strategy could hurt the person, anger them and jeopardize your well-being. For this, this method is not ideal
Advice
- Realize that you may just need to take a break from this relationship. Try not to say or do anything that puts an end to this friendship for good, unless you are really sure that you will never want to be friends with this person again.
- Always prefer to be nice.
- If you don't want to be friends with that person anymore because of an argument or because they've insulted you without realizing it, see if you can't discuss the situation with them before you make your decision.