It's hard for two people to break a friendship. Whatever the circumstances or the situation, try not to offend others or become enemies. You can take a direct approach and talk to her honestly, show her respect for her feelings, and set new boundaries. It is also possible to choose an indirect solution, for example by avoiding the person and finding other things to do to hurt them as little as possible and to avoid conflict.
Part 1 of 3: Talking Directly to Your Friend
Step 1. Pick the right time and place
Where you meet and the nature of the conversation about ending the friendship depends on the length of your relationship, how close you are, and how you usually communicate. Choose the time, place, and approach to chat that best suits the nature of your friendship, rather than what seems easiest or least awkward for you.
- Speak in person if you've been friends for a long time. Choose a place where you can have some privacy. Let her know that you want to discuss an important issue so that she can set aside enough time to prepare.
- If you've only been friends for a short time or chatting often online or on the phone, you can email or call him.
Step 2. Be honest and concise
You don't need to list all of his faults, but be clear about what bothered you. Excessive detail causes pain. Think about what you would like to say ahead of time and repeat it for yourself or with someone you trust.
- Say you have a new friend who is dating someone you dislike. Say this: "I like your company, but not Charles's. I know you are very close to him, but I cannot be there in his presence. For now, it would be better if we didn't try to take our friendship any further. "
- If a new friend's lifestyle is different from yours, say something like this: "You know I'm really flattered that you want to be my friend, but I don't like parties and I have to focus on the studies. Your other friends seem to like it, and that's okay, but I think partying too often would tempt me too much. It really does not please. "
- If a close friend is having difficulty coming to terms with your religion, say this: "I love spending time with you, but your statements and those of your friends and relatives about my faith have hurt me. This is unacceptable to me. "
Step 3. Express your gratitude
Let the other person know that you love and care for them. Thank him for the experiences you have shared. Tell him what you liked about him to balance and soften the shock of why you want to end your relationship.
- Avoid being overly flattering or generous. If you try to soften the situation with false compliments, snacks, flattery, or gifts, the person may misinterpret your intentions.
- Don't give him false hope by pretending that the friendship can continue.
- Say this: “Thank you for all the experiences we shared during our summers together. You always try to make sure everyone is having fun and I like it. "
Step 4. Avoid humiliating and blaming your friend
Don't tell her it's her fault or that something is wrong with her. Instead, focus on his behavior or actions that you don't like. Don't blame and humiliate her for what she is.
For example, if a close friend of yours has started doing questionable things, say this: "I noticed you were spending more time with smokers and drinkers. Your friendship means a lot to me, but I don't like this situation. This is not the way I want to have fun. "
Step 5. Let him answer
With all due respect and goodwill, this conversation remains very emotional and embarrassing. Give your friend time and space to express themselves. He may be angry, sad, defensive, or telling you that you are wrong.
- Stick to your feelings. Don't let him change your mind.
- If he doesn't want to listen to you or tries to convince you to continue your friendship, be firm. Keep repeating "this is not going to work." "
Step 6. Show empathy
Accept his feelings and let him know that you understand how he may be feeling. Be kind and be aware that he may be in pain. Avoid leaving immediately because of the discomfort. You can say the following:
- I know you must be hurt right now;
- I'm sorry if I hurt you;
- I'm sure this news came as a shock to you.
Step 7. Stay positive
End the conversation by expressing your gratitude and appreciation to her for her personality, despite your decision to break up. Encourage him and remind him of his value as a friend. Say this:
- I'm glad we met;
- I appreciate all the wonderful times we have had together;
- I wish you happiness and joy in your other friendships.
Part 2 of 3: move on
Step 1. Set limits
You may still need to see your old friend at work or school. Try to avoid frequent encounters, dramatic scenes, and signals that can be misinterpreted so as not to complicate the situation.
- Start spending less time together or stop communicating.
- Stop following him on social media or hide your profile.
- Avoid sitting side by side in class or at work.
- Surround yourself with people who are ready to support you.
- Make it easy. Change the way you rely on or confide in him.
Step 2. Don't be so dramatic
Avoid insulting or speaking badly of him in front of other people if you must interact with him. Even though you're not together anymore, you were friends or liked each other at one point. You don't have to be mean to him in public or talk behind his back.
Step 3. Grieve
Allow yourself to cry and express your pain, as you would if you had separated from a romantic partner. This grieving process is important, especially if you've been very close or have known each other for a long time. Here are some ways to grieve.
- Talk to your other friends and relatives.
- Spend time at home doing heartwarming things like having fun with your pet or watching a favorite TV show.
- Go out to play sports.
- Keep a diary.
Step 4. Learn from your own experience
After you've spent time away from your friend, think about how you felt during your friendship and what you learned from it. Think about what went well in the relationship, what went wrong, what behaviors were irritating you in the other person, and what you would do differently in the future.
- Pay attention not only to his behaviors, but also to yours.
- Determine what boundaries you need to set with your friends in the future.
- Avoid the company of people who ask too much of you or who always expect you to listen to their problems.
Step 5. Remember that sometimes relationships end
Friendships, like romantic relationships, have a natural life cycle. Sometimes people come together because of common interests like work, school or hobbies, but as they grow older their interests change and they move away from each other for natural reasons. Sometimes when you grow up you move away from the people you love and that's okay.
Part 3 of 3: Indirectly Ending a Friendship
Step 1. Avoid personal encounters
Sometimes a more direct approach can be inappropriate or too painful, especially for old friends. Try to avoid this person when you see them. She will eventually get the message and leave you alone, but it may take a while.
- If you are classmates or co-workers, take a different path when you see her.
- If you must be around her, avoid talking to her for too long. Focus your attention on others and talk to them.
- Remember that if you were close friends, such behavior can confuse others and create conflict.
Step 2. Do not communicate over the phone
This friend or acquaintance can always try to contact you if they are unable to meet you in person. Do not respond to their texts, emails or phone calls.
- If you are not sure that you want to stop responding to their texts or calls immediately, you can stop gradually.
- Above all, avoid responding to text messages or calls that can create conflicts or that you receive late at night. If you respond to him by offering to help, it will send him a mixed message that you are available to him as a friend.
- If you haven't given him your details yet, be sure not to do so at this point.
Step 3. Keep busy
Spend more time with other friends or family. Do not accept any invitation from him, especially if it is one-on-one.
- Find excuses. Whenever this person invites you out, tell them you have a doctor's visit, things to do with your family or another friend, or that you are not feeling well. She'll likely understand the message and stop inviting you.
- If she's worried or surprised that you don't want to spend time with her, you may need to talk to her directly. You can say this, "I know I've been a bit absent these days, but I don't have the time and energy to see you as often as I used to. I am sorry. "
Step 4. Avoid following her on social media
Stop communicating with her online. Stop commenting on or liking their photos and posts. Change the privacy settings on your accounts so that she can't see or comment on anything you post. You can also block her or hide her profile.
- Show kindness and compassion. Think about how you would like to be treated in a similar situation.
- Even if the other person gets angry, don't respond the same way. Stay calm and remember what's best for you.
- If you stay calm and tell her that you want to end your relationship, she might be very upset by your restraint and calm.