How to befriend an extremely shy person

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How to befriend an extremely shy person
How to befriend an extremely shy person

Many people are very shy. A shy person may feel uncomfortable around people they don't know. In a room full of strangers, she can stay all alone, away from the crowd, a bit like alone in her world. Once she feels comfortable with others, she opens up to them and can be a lot of fun. When a shy friend starts animating, you might forget how shy they were the first time you met. Learn how to break the ice and befriend someone who is extremely shy.


Part 1 of 3: approach a shy person

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 1
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 1

Step 1. Walk towards him alone, not as a group

Have a kind and friendly smile. Stay calm and polite. Introduce yourself and ask for his name. Avoid speaking in an overly excited tone, as this can be overwhelming for a shy person. Speak gently and in a moderate tone.

  • Make sure you take a friendly and welcoming approach, without getting too excited that you are insincere. You could say something like, "Hi, I noticed you're standing here all by yourself. I'm Jeff, are you? "
  • Approaching someone on their own and not in a group increases the likelihood that they will cooperate with you. Shy people usually feel crowded and intimidated by crowds.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 2
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 2

Step 2. Make minimal eye contact at the start

Shy people tend to feel embarrassed or awkward in social situations. These feelings are heightened when these individuals are subjected to intense gaze. A long gaze fixed on someone can be threatening. So look away from time to time to help your new friend feel more comfortable.

  • Science has proven that direct eye contact improves self-awareness, which is an uncomfortable state for extremely shy people.
  • To increase their comfort level with you, aim to make eye contact between 30 and 60% of the time of the conversation. Usually, you should make eye contact a little more often when listening than when speaking.
  • The best way to help your friend adjust is to stand next to them rather than in front of them. This position often seems less threatening. Just be sure to turn your body slightly and face it to show commitment and interest.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 3
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 3

Step 3. Ask open-ended questions

To get a shy person out of their silence, you might want to start by asking them a few questions. Open-ended questions (those that require more than a simple yes or no) are preferred. These types of questions allow the respondent to provide answers on their own terms rather than offering limited response options. These questions also give your potential friend the chance to speak as little or as much as they want.

  • For example, if you are at a social event and want to strike up a conversation with a shy person who is hiding in a corner or leaning against the wall, you can ask them, "So how do you know the host? "
  • There are other open questions like "what brings you here today? What kind of things do you do for fun? "Or" what was your impression of the film? "
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 4
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 4

Step 4. Learn not to be embarrassed by silence

Conversation involves a natural flow and fluctuation of speaking, listening and silence. When you go too far, you might take the silence as a warning that your attempt to sympathize is failing. Which is not the case. Having a few seconds of silence is usually not a big deal yet, especially with a shy person. These individuals may need a longer time to analyze what has been said and respond accordingly. After silence is established, simply choose to bring up a new topic or take the opportunity to end the discussion.

  • If you want to continue the discussion, you could try to find a connection to something that was said earlier like, "So, were you saying your brother works in the automobile?" "
  • If you both want to avoid an awkward silence, you could say, "Well, good to meet you, Becky." We must meet again one of these four”.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 5
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 5

Step 5. Keep the first meeting brief

Even if an uncomfortable silence does not pose a threat to the conversation, it is still a good idea to have a brief and calm discussion. After a short interaction between the two of you, find a natural pause in the conversation to walk away.

Shy people take time to adjust to new people and situations. Respect this need by limiting the first exchanges, then gradually the duration of the interactions as the person becomes more comfortable with you

Part 2 of 3: Strengthen the Bond

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 6
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 6

Step 1. Prepare to initiate conversations

If you really want to befriend someone who is extremely shy, then you need to take the first step. This implies that you need to be able to make use of conversation starters and use them often when the conversation begins to languish.

Of course, in some cases the shy person could adapt quickly and start by becoming more engaged. However, during the early stages of your friendship, you will need to prepare yourself to start or lead the conversations

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 7
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 7

Step 2. Talk about your common interests

When you start chatting with a shy person, you may want to avoid chatting. Usually, many introverted people prefer to discuss more engaged and better topics rather than superficial topics like weather or weekend schedules.

  • Try to stimulate your shy friend by observing the topics that seem to interest him and only bring up those with him.
  • For example, if your friend's face seems to light up when chatting about any TV series, try to get them to go into detail. You might ask "who is your favorite character on the show?" Or "tell me about the episode that officially made you a fan of the show."
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 8
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 8

Step 3. Use open body language

Shy people often fear social interactions and often react to these situations with physical signs such as a sweat, heartbeat, or a flushed face. They are also too concerned with how others perceive them. Use your own body language to create a calming, less threatening exchange. When you are with your shy friend, be sure to adopt the following behaviors.

  • Make eye contact once in a while (without expecting a return).
  • Point yourself in his direction during the conversation.
  • Lean forward to show your interest in the conversation.
  • Uncross your arms and legs and keep them relaxed.
  • Smile and nod your head to encourage her to keep talking.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 9
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 9

Step 4. Share a secret to build intimacy

Self-revelation is a bold, yet effective way to turn a casual acquaintance into a friend. Friends know things about themselves that others might not know. If you're hoping to improve your relationship with a shy person, open up to them in a personal way.

  • One of the main aspects of friendship is intimacy. You can achieve privacy through proper self-revelation. However, know that it is not necessary to share your deepest and darkest secrets. Indeed, in doing so, you might frighten your new friend with your sudden intimacy.
  • Start with something that doesn't matter much, but that many people don't know. You might even deny your own claim by saying "many don't know, but …".

Part 3 of 3: Respect the disparities

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 10
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 10

Step 1. Don't take it the wrong way if your friend needs to be alone for a while

People who don't feel comfortable in social situations tend to become drained when it comes to socializing for a long time. Give him a moment alone without being offended. It has nothing to do with you, but it's just that your friend needs a moment of silence to recharge his batteries.

Although it may not sound like it, your shy friend may be extremely uncomfortable during the whole discussion. He may be anxious to walk away to analyze the exchange

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 11
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 11

Step 2. Avoid trying to get your new friend to do things outside of their comfort zone

People who enjoy going out might think that getting their shy friends to become sociable is a little help. Shyness can be a serious social harm that damages relationships and people's working lives. It is not by challenging the person to take risks that they will change.

If you take this path, you will eventually cause distrust and scare your friend away. There are a number of cool things you might suggest to do with your new friend, but if they don't seem interested, don't force their hand

Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 12
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 12

Step 3. Try not to ask why the person is shy or behaving in a certain way

Another quick way to ruin a friendship is to comment on your friend's shy nature. Treat him like you would treat any other person. There is absolutely no need to emphasize his shyness.

  • Asking why your friend is so calm or presenting him as the shy one can be very insulting.
  • This will probably irritate him and cause him to be even more embarrassed. Therefore, your behavior may cause him to withdraw rather than open up.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 13
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 13

Step 4. Understand his shyness

By doing a little research, you will better understand and come to sympathize with your friend's social behavior. According to science, shy people tend to feel awkward and fear social situations, especially when surrounded by new people they don't know. Your friend may have a pounding heart or indigestion. He may think that everyone is watching or judging him.

  • You can be a shy person's best friend by admitting that everyone feels shy at some point. Your friend just seems to be very shy.
  • He's probably not shy because he doesn't like people or even because he wants to avoid them. He is just uncomfortable in most social situations. He likely wants to be a part of it fiercely, but he doesn't know how to go about it. Help him have a sense of belonging by not judging him or labeling his behavior.
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 14
Make Friends With an Extremely Shy Person Step 14

Step 5. Be patient

Whether it's sitting down with the awkward silences or waiting for your extremely shy friend to open up to you, you need to be patient. If you are sincere and kind, this budding relationship will eventually reach its full potential.

Don't make your new friend open up to you. Let the friendship advance at its own pace. This will help you both feel comfortable with the direction of your friendship, and your shy friend can enjoy your company themselves


  • Be careful not to approach him suddenly. Take it nice and slow instead of scaring him.
  • Take it easy. Don't bring him into a large group that might make him uncomfortable.
  • Be yourself rather than trying to be cool. People will certainly find you more interesting if you are sincere.
  • If he's really shy, don't try to be his friend just overnight. Take your time.
  • Just be friends, be calm, polite, and take an interest in what he has to say.


  • NEVER ask why he is so calm or shy. This is the worst thing you can say because it will not only embarrass him, it will make him feel uncomfortable as well. If you ask him this question or say that, he will end up hating you. You have to pretend he's not shy and treat him like there's nothing wrong or bothersome in him being calm. Eventually he will open up to you.
  • Try not to approach shy people with groups of friends, because many shy people find meeting several new people all of a sudden very embarrassing and difficult and might be intimidated by you.
  • Never put him in an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation.
  • Most people are shy because of the fear of being criticized or judged by others. Be careful not to say anything that judges their personality or interests. For example, don't say "my friend said he thinks you are boring". Also, don't say something like that behind him because there is a good chance that the information will reach him. As a result, he will no longer want to open up to you and have fun because he no longer trusts you. Do the opposite by finding ways to remind him every now and then of what you value about him.
  • Be careful with eye contact. Staring at a shy person for too long will make them feel like an insect under a microscope or as if they are being scrutinized closely. Shy people will notice this very quickly, if not immediately, and will react with a desire to escape.
  • Do not make offensive comments that are stereotypical, sexist, racist, etc. or don't say anything that targets a particular group. Even though your new friend might talk about these things, be polite, but don't mention them yourself.
  • Don't say "why don't you smile? "Or" you look tired ". He is very likely to feel uncomfortable and by saying that you have added some more. Instead, try telling him funny stories or giving him compliments.

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