There are many difficult situations that arise in friendships, but a major argument might make you feel like a friendship can no longer be mended. If you really care about this friend, it is better that you put effort into resolving your emotional tensions. Granted, this task might be difficult, but successfully mending a friendship breakup will make the relationship stronger than ever.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: reestablish communication
Step 1. Be the first to take the initiative
If the situation has gotten to a point where you no longer speak to each other, then it is urgent that someone takes the first step and you need to make sure it is you. If you take the initiative, it will make the other person realize that you want to reconnect with friendships and that you are determined to resolve the misunderstanding. Think about how you can approach it. Depending on who you are dealing with and the seriousness of your dispute, you may need to try different ways to get in touch with them.
Step 2. Get in touch with the person as best you can
In case the interested party does not answer your phone calls, you can leave them a voicemail message in which you specify that you really want to fix things, after which you can send them an SMS, the content of which also expresses the same idea. If he blocks your messages, then send him an email. In case your email is ignored, then make the effort to send a private message through social media. If all these attempts are unsuccessful, you can try to go to his home at this point.
- Contact the person a first time and wait for them to respond to you before trying to reach them in any other way. You should avoid making her feel harassed or pressured.
- If the person agrees to meet you by replying to your text or email, then it would be best to arrange a meeting in a public place, so that neither of you feel pressured or intimidated.
Step 3. Respect your friend's needs for the space
If your partner refuses to talk to or see you or in case it is not possible to visit them, you may need to take a step back for a while. Your friend needs space and you need to be able to respect that. Take the time to think about the situation a bit and prepare what you want to say.
Avoid forcing your friend if they make it clear that they need space. If you do, he will not only be angry with you, but also experience frustration
Step 4. Discuss the dispute openly and honestly
You must be honest and explain the dispute as you see it. Then ask your classmate to do the same and for that you should let him speak for as long as he needs. Really pay attention to listen to him and do not interrupt him, because this is the only way each of you can come up with your side of the story and say whatever is on your heart.
Express how you feel without making inflammatory or accusatory comments. For example, you can address your friend like this: “Why did you make this decision? I find it hard to understand "instead of saying" you made a stupid decision "
Step 5. Use the "I" when talking to him
Speaking in the first person will help you avoid making accusations and adopt a more peaceful tone when chatting. For example, you can say "I felt like you didn't care about my feelings and I felt really hurt by everything you said" instead of "you were a dirty selfish".
Step 6. Apologize to him and accept his
Even if you didn't do anything and feel it got to this point through your friend's fault, starting with an apology should also set the tone. You can put it this way, “I'm so sorry this has come to this. I wish we could get along better."
- If you hurt her in any way, sincerely apologize.
- If your friend apologizes to you, accept them kindly.
Step 7. Avoid reigniting an old argument
It is of the utmost importance that you refrain from saying or doing anything hurtful during this discussion. If you don't, it may damage the friendship even more and it may not be possible to work it out. You should therefore do your best to ensure that everything runs smoothly. If the situation escalates, you need to make sure it does not take a turn for the worse.
For example, if your classmate addresses you in these terms, "I just can't believe you did this to me!" I will never trust you again! You can answer, "I know, it was really stupid of me to do that. I'm very sorry and want to make things right now. Please tell me how I can do this. "
Part 2 of 3: Restoring a Healthy Friendship
Step 1. Let go of your frustration or anger
If you are truly committed to reestablishing your friendship, you must first release your negative feelings about the situation, and truly forgive your friend. Also urge him to do the same. You have to forget the past and look to the future.
Step 2. Come up with a plan to restore the friendship
Ask your classmate if he has any other suggestions that you can apply in the future to maintaining a strong friendship. You can put it this way, "Tell me how we can go about avoiding this kind of thing in the future. What do you want from me as a friend to prevent this kind of situation from happening again?"
If you have any requests for him, address them at the same time. For example, you can express yourself in the following way, "I just want you to respect my feelings in the future when I express them. I want to feel like they mean to you. "
Step 3. Take it easy
If you and your friend have had an important argument, be aware that spending time together each day after school like you did before is not the safest way to reestablish friendships. You absolutely must avoid reviving your old habits. Start slowly by spending time together a few times and chatting on the phone. This will give the two of you time to forget about the past as you try to reestablish your friendship.
Step 4. Avoid relapsing into the same bad habits in the future
Apologies won't make sense if you don't correct the attitude you apologized for. It is therefore important that you can make the necessary changes to maintain your friendship. Also pay attention to the way you interact and discuss with each other. If you find that nothing is changing and things still seem to be going badly, then you need to think again about your friendships.
Part 3 of 3: Identify a Harmful Friendship
Step 1. Examine the way you treat each other
It’s hard to take the obvious, but it’s not worth trying to mend some friendships. If your mate constantly makes you feel guilty or abuses you, it might be better if he or she is no longer a part of your life.
Your friend will need to show respect, empathy, encouragement and kindness towards you. If he is not able to show you these signs of attention in general or vice versa, it could mean that this is not a healthy friendship
Step 2. Determine if you are embracing your true self by his side
The most obvious sign that illustrates a harmful friendship is when you feel that you are failing to display your true self alongside your mate. If you notice that you have to be on your guard all the time, then know that you are certainly not having a good friendship. In the event that your friend is constantly criticizing your personality, at the same time you need to understand that you are in a harmful friendly relationship.
A good friend criticizes with compassion
Step 3. Make sure there is some balance in your friendship
Healthy, reciprocal friendships require a balance between the two people involved. If your mate hardly ever writes or calls you or if you are always the one making plans for things to move forward, there is a good chance that there is an imbalance in the friendship..
- A bad friend may force you to compete for their friendship, while a true friend will accept you and devote time to you without demanding anything in return.
- People of bad faith will usually force you to let go of your own problems so that you can deal with theirs.
Step 4. Consider if your friendship is mutually beneficial and healthy
You need to reflect on how you feel around this person and ask yourself whether it was really comfortable and useful to form friendships with them. In fact, you must feel like you can trust your fellow student in general. It is also important that you can feel supported on each other.
Your friend should be someone who inspires you to move forward and you should do the same for them as well
Step 5. Cut ties with bad friends
If you decide that it is no longer worth dating a friend, then you will need to resolve to end all relationship with them. You need to be direct and be firm in making this decision. Don't just block his phone number and avoid him forever. Rather, you need to take drastic action by verbally ending the friendship.