It can be maddening and embarrassing to face an overly kind neighbor. You may feel the need to spare his feelings by putting up with him, but be aware that there are several steps you can take to deal with this problem. With a little luck, the latter will quickly understand the message you are trying to convey to him when you repeatedly avoid him or find a way to politely end your conversations with him. If he still doesn't understand, you should talk to him as soon as possible. Be firm, calm, precise and explain to him the type of neighborly relationship you would like to have.
Part 1 of 3: setting limits with your neighbor
Step 1. Resist the urge to avoid it
While it may seem easier to avoid him by glancing out the window to make sure he's not around before you go out or making him think you're away when he does. knock on your door, know that this will actually only perpetuate the situation and even make matters worse. Instead of trying to avoid it, set limits with confidence.
Step 2. Take a look outside before you exit
The best way to avoid your overly friendly neighbor is to have a look around before you walk in your doorstep. Look out your window or peephole. If you see him, wait a few moments before going outside. If when you leave your apartment you hear his voice nearby, avoid meeting him by waiting until he leaves the building or enters his apartment.
Step 3. Tell her that you are in too much of a hurry to talk
It is possible that you are in such a hurry that you do not have time to wait for him to leave the premises or it is also possible that despite your best efforts not to meet him, he sees you one day and systematically puts himself in to bombard you. End this endless conversation before it even begins. Smile, greet or say hello and hurry on your way.
- Say hello ! I am really in a hurry today, I cannot speak with you. See you later ! "
- Hopefully, he'll catch the message you're trying to send him when you've done this several times in succession.
Step 4. Politely apologize before leaving the conversation
After 4 minutes, any friendly conversation between neighbors starts to get boring and tasteless. If you notice he's chatting a little too much and you've reached your limit, find a way to end the conversation in a stylish way.
- Say, “Oh! I'm almost late for my appointment. Have a nice day ! You can also say that you are in a hurry to meet your workout partner, have lunch or dinner with someone, or that you have a job to do urgently.
- If you meet him on your way home, say, "It's getting late, I have to cook dinner" or "I have a whole pile of laundry (or some other household chore) to wash." You can also say vaguely, “I just saw what time it is. I must hurry! "
Step 5. Postpone the discussion
Try to postpone the discussion. You don't have to answer him if he shows up at your doorstep, especially if you don't really feel safe. If, however, you don't mind opening the door, try to quickly set some rules for her by saying, “I don't feel like talking right now. If you want to have a good relationship with him, offer him a time when you will be more willing to chat. Say, "Are you free tomorrow afternoon, around 4:00 pm?" I'll be free so I thought we could take a walk together to chat a bit."
If you don't want him to come to you out of the blue, politely say, "Instead of just disembarking, it would be great if you called or let me know before you come." "
Part 2 of 3: face your neighbor
Step 1. Think about the time you will spend living together
If you have rented your apartment or want to sell your house very soon and you think you will leave the neighborhood soon, just set limits for it (for example: say to your neighbor, "I'm sorry, but I really don't have it. time to talk!”) and avoid talking to him about his behavior. Things will be more difficult if you and your neighbor both own your own home or have a long-term lease. In this case, you will need to discuss his behavior with him and make him understand how it makes you uncomfortable instead of trying to spare his feelings or let things escalate.
Step 2. Face him as soon as possible
If you notice that despite the fact that you have given him every possible clue or tried to avoid him time and time again he still does not understand what you are trying to say to him, know that you will need to talk to him face to face. Be clear about your feelings as soon as you notice a problem. If you don't make the effort to have a firm, calm conversation with him, you will only encourage him more to engage in this intrusive behavior.
You may want to be kind by sparing her feelings, but if you let the tension build, it will lead you to face an even bigger problem in the future. In addition, you will hurt his sensitivity even more if instead of telling him what you are feeling right away, you make him believe that he is doing the right thing and then tell him what you really think about his behavior later
Step 3. Be honest and firm
Remember to make the effort to be as sincere and firm as possible about how he is making you feel. If something bothers you about your neighbor, tell them honestly and clearly. Be polite, respectful, and don't overdo it.
- Say, “You really are a very warm and pleasant person. I know you're nice and I hope you don't take it the wrong way, but I'm not the very social type. "
- You can also say, if you like, “I have a very tight schedule right now and too many responsibilities to reconcile. I really enjoy chatting with you, but every time we chat I'm always late. "
Step 4. Approach the problem with a united front
If you have a roommate or are married, consider joining forces. If you live with your partner or a roommate, talk to them about your neighbor and how to deal with them. Define a strategy together and consider applying it both in the same way.
Either way, consider making a real united front with your roommate or spouse. If the two of you are sending her mixed messages, you will only make the situation worse. For example, if your neighbor follows you to your door and asks to come into your home, you can say, “My roommate and I don't like impromptu visits, we don't really like people coming to us. to visit out of the blue. I am sorry. "
Step 5. Describe the type of social relationship you want
Explain that, in your experience, good fences make good neighbors. Tell him that you want to be friends with him and look out for each other's best interests, but you don't want anything more.
Say, “In the past, I had become very close to my neighbors, but ended up being terribly disappointed. This makes me very scared of doing the same thing now. Hope you don't take it the wrong way, I don't want to offend you, but I think it would be better if we put some limit on our relationship. "
Step 6. Face your neighbor gossiping
You may like it to keep you up to date with exciting neighborhood news. However, be brief in your conversations and avoid bringing up offensive topics. Ask her to avoid talking badly about your other neighbors if things start to get too personal.
If you notice that he starts to disparage someone, change the subject or find an excuse to walk away. If he asks you about your life or asks you what you think of this or that person, just tell him that you are not close enough to share your secrets or those of other people with him. Tell him calmly, “I really don't like to speak badly about people, especially my neighbors. "
Step 7. Ask him to stop bringing you food
It's okay for your neighbor to bake you a pie every now and then, but an overly kind neighbor can make it a daily or weekly ritual. He may even try to make you feel obligated to return the favor. If this is a problem for you, express your gratitude to him and make it clear that you want him to stop doing it.
- Suppose you are tired of seeing your neighbor bringing you food every two or three days. Tell him, "You know, I really have to start making my own food!" I can no longer continue to accept yours. "
- Be polite and say, “I don't want to bother or bother you. If he persists, you can tell him, "I really don't like to say it, but we definitely won't be able to consume it." I really enjoy what you do, but we don't eat a lot of sweets (or whatever food he might have prepared). "
- Suggest that she approach a local charity, such as a religious organization or a soup kitchen. These organizations will fully appreciate his skills in baking or cooking.
Part 3 of 3: Coping with Extreme Situations
Step 1. Face a neighbor who violates your space
In extreme circumstances, an overly kind neighbor may tend to touch you or encroach on your personal space in some way. Even if he thinks it's okay to touch your shoulder when he greets you, consider asking him to stop doing it if it bothers you.
- Look him straight in the eye, stand up straight, and do your best to show him that you are confident. Then say, “I don't like being touched like that. "
- There is no point in making excuses or apologizing, use your level of discomfort to determine your response. If he touches your shoulder and it is certainly embarrassing, but not threatening, politely ask him to stop. If he touches you in a way that you think is inappropriate, tell him that his act amounts to harassment and don't hesitate to let the authorities know if he reoffends.
Step 2. Contact the authorities if you are concerned about your safety
Sometimes an overly friendly neighbor may be unstable or pose a threat to your safety. Seek help immediately if you notice him reacting threateningly to clues you left him or conversations you had with him about your space.
Start by contacting your property manager or the owners association. They can help you resolve the situation before it escalates. If you think you are in imminent danger, call the police or emergency services
Step 3. Ask to be relocated if possible
Contact your property manager and find out if it is possible for you to move. If you live in a building or building complex, consider moving to another floor or section of the building. Thus, you will avoid having to interact with him on a daily basis without however having to permanently leave the complex in which you live.
- Talk to your property manager about your situation. Ask him, "Is there another apartment available on another floor or in a building just across the complex?" "
- Don't forget to ask them to reimburse you for your security deposit and any other costs you had to incur before moving in, since you are moving for an issue that is totally out of your control.