You are in a great mood. Your day is going well. You suddenly feel drained of your energy with your spirits in the socks. Why ? You might have crossed paths with someone with a bad attitude, someone who casts a spell on your mood. Learn how to identify and avoid these toxic personalities to stay positive. Learn to take charge of your life.
Part 1 of 3: recognize toxic people
Step 1. Know the basic characteristics of toxic people
Everyone has days without. However, when it comes to toxic people, it can be a constant state of mind. If a person is completely negative several days a week, you might be dealing with a toxic personality. Observe the following characteristics:
- great nervousness
- sadness mixed with anger
- constant recriminations
- a milk soup character
- constant criticism
- a negative or cynical worldview
Step 2. Pay more attention to the energy of the people around you
If you have an optimistic worldview, it can sometimes be difficult to recognize the toxic people around you. By learning to recognize the energy of a particular person, you will be able to identify negativity more easily.
- Have you ever walked into a store where you were greeted by enthusiastic salespeople? It is a pleasant experience that makes you want to come back. Being surrounded by negative people is like walking into a store where the atmosphere is heavy and salespeople grumble hello when you pass by. You will realize this immediately.
- Pay attention to body language and tone of voice. Pay more attention to the intonation of other people's voices, more than what they are saying. You can spot it during a discussion. How do you feel about this person? What does she seem to think when you chat?
Step 3. Watch for people who are angry on a regular basis
Anger, yelling, and negative criticism are major signs of a toxic personality. Angry people need a lot of help, but it's not your job to punch them. You will also feel angry when you hang out with this type of person. Don't get caught up in this negativity.
- Anyone who consistently raises their voice is an angry person. People who know how to control their emotions don't feel the need to scream.
- Also watch for anger that boils insidiously. Some people won't say much, but will express themselves through bad body language and hold onto their resentment to themselves. These people might explode at odd times when their anger doesn't seem justified.
Step 4. Watch for people who have a negative outlook on the world
Do you know anyone who finds a dark side in anything? Misfortune always seeks companionship, which is why people like this will often want to get together in groups to compare their misfortunes. They will then try to train you there.
- People who have a pessimistic view of the world will often compare their woes, trying to prove that they are the most unhappy. These people often see the mistakes of others as major failures and find it very difficult to forgive.
- Watch for people who constantly and even happily talk about their failures and sadness. Anyone who criticizes the mistakes of others or comes across as overly cynical is a toxic personality.
Step 5. Watch for people who need constant attention
People who are insecure are unable to create their own self-esteem and often hold on to others for it. They want attention and need to be the center of the conversation. This constant need to be heard can pull you down.
- Look at Facebook and other social networking sites for signs of this kind of personality. Boastful or obsessive posts can be a sign of a toxic personality.
- This type of person often brings conversations to themselves or changes the topic of the discussion to talk about their own life.
Step 6. Watch for people who spread gossip
Instead of supporting others, gossip feeds on envy. Gossip can flourish in some cases, which makes you feel closer to people who like to gossip about others, but it becomes harder to avoid. You are not an isolated case if you have ever been caught in the act of backbiting.
People who spread gossip constantly compare themselves to others, which is a great way to run into disappointment and failure. Don't worry about what's going on with your neighbors, just worry about what's going on in your own backyard
Step 7. Watch for people who try to scare others
For this person, everything is scary. The anxiety that this person feels about the rest of the world can be contagious. Fear gives people security and communicating this fear gives them purpose. This person is really depressing.
Watch out for depressing people who always find a negative side in anything. If you try to tell them about the amazing vacation you have prepared, that person will remind you of the deadly illnesses you can catch on a plane or the dangers of that type of travel
Part 2 of 3: dealing with toxic people
Step 1. Think about the people around you
Are these people helping you be your best or are you just there to absorb their negativity? Using the criteria described in the previous section, try to make a list of potentially toxic people in your life and come up with a specific plan for how to deal with them. Think about the following relationships:
- your partner
- your exes
- your friends
- your family members
- your office colleagues
- your neighbors
- your knowledge
Step 2. Try to accept people for who they are
Toxic personalities are only toxic if they have a negative effect on you. You can befriend angry people. You can empathize with negative people. That doesn't necessarily mean they have a problem. Accept people for who they are and don't let them influence you.
- Accept yourself too. You might not be able to hang out with negative people if you are naturally optimistic. It does not detract from you. You should just know what is right for you.
- Negative emotions have an expiration date. They are not going to last and they are going to end soon. You don't need to carry the burden of negativity once the exchange is over.
Step 3. Show empathy
Return negative speeches from those who want to spread their anxiety to the sender. If, for example, people keep telling you that you will fail at your new job, ask them what will happen if you succeed. Help them see the positive side instead of seeing endless negativity.
Don't try to change others. Remember that you cannot change others, only yourself, do not get bogged down in excuses because you feel responsible for others or because you feel pity for them. You can really help a negative person when they are no longer influencing you
Step 4. Learn how to mute
If you don't like what someone is saying, stop paying attention. Focus on the positive, constructive parts of the discussion and think about something else when the other person walks into negativity territory.
- Support the person and be optimistic when you speak up. Don't get carried away if a loved one keeps saying their job is horrible and they hate it. Tell him that he at least has the advantage of eating for free in the canteen. This helps create some distance between the two of you. He will show his pessimism less often if you show him that you do not want to discuss these topics under these conditions.
- Use a little cue to remind yourself to sort through what you want to hear. You could pull out a section of your hair, stick your fingernail in the palm of your hand, flick your wrist, or pat your knee. Remind your body that you are exposed to negativity and that you should avoid it.
Step 5. Change the subject, if you don't like what you're being told
Just talk about something else if you're bombarded with negativity. Whenever someone tries to bring the discussion back to a negative topic, find another. Do it if someone close tells you their job sucks and their boss is a jerk. Tell him that there is at least football to take his mind off things and ask him what game he watched last Sunday.
- Stay calm if someone is trying to accuse another person of a certain problem. Try to find a solution to this problem and look on the bright side, instead of getting swept up in it.
- Stick to the facts when dealing with angry people. Tell them what needs to be done to resolve a problem. If this person's anger increases, move away from them and give them time to calm down.
Step 6. Start reducing your interactions with toxic people
If you're struggling to deal with the negativity that other people bring into your life, maybe it's time to significantly limit your dealings with these people. You cannot change the behavior of others, but you have the right to ignore them.
- End it if you see a pessimistic person on a regular basis. See the disappearance of this person from your life as a sign that your relationship was not worth so much sacrifice.
- Be honest with any toxic person who asks if you have a problem. Tell her that you have a hard time putting up with her negativity because it constantly is and you have a hard time putting up with her presence. Tell her that you like her, but that you're going to see her less often.
Step 7. End toxic relationships
End a relationship with someone whose negativity is truly disrupting your sanity and well-being. Stop seeing her if she can't be more optimistic around you.
Don't try to give ultimatums when it comes to someone's personality. If you tell him: we can keep seeing each other only if you are more positive, that is telling him that you are ready to keep your relationship only if that person changes. Forget it, if that is not possible. Be honest
Part 3 of 3: Thinking about yourself
Step 1. Think about your own needs and wants
What is the most important thing for you? What do you want to do for a living? Know what things you like and don't like to get a feel for where you want to be in the future. Listen to what others have to say, but remember that at the end of the day, it's up to you. You are the captain of the ship that is your life.
Write down your short and long term plans on a piece of paper. Hang it on the wall where you can always remember it and not lose sight of your goals. It will also help you in difficult times and when you feel the urge to revert to your negative thought patterns
Step 2. Make your own decisions
A lot of people spend their lives telling themselves my parents wanted me to be X, that's why I became X or so my wife wanted to go to X, so we went to X. Do you want to let others decide your life? Make a choice, for better or for worse, and face the consequences.
Don't let other people or their preferences be used as an excuse for you. In saying that you would be happier if such and such a thing were different, it is like saying that you are not responsible for your own life. It's true that sometimes compromises are necessary with those close to you, but don't let them rule your life
Step 3. Surround yourself with like-minded people
Why would you want to spend time with people you don't like? Surround yourself with people who help you develop a healthy body and a healthy mind. Find optimistic, happy, and happy people.
- The more time you spend with these kinds of people, the happier and more upbeat you will feel. Their supportive positive attitudes will help keep you on the right path.
- Consider making changes in your life if necessary. Move to a new city, or find yourself another job if you are surrounded by negative people where you work. End a romantic relationship and start a new one if your partner puts you down instead of encouraging you.
Step 4. Be positive wherever you go
Use an example that inspires you among the most positive people in your life to steer clear of toxic people. In return, become more like the optimistic people you know by seeing the best in others and complimenting the good you see in others. Accept and give compliments gratefully, look people in the eye, and smile.
Step 5. Make relaxation a priority in your life
If you are constantly battling negativity from those around you, you need to make a serious commitment to relaxing. Find techniques that calm you down, allow you to focus, and turn to when you need to recharge your batteries. Here are some of the most common relaxation techniques:
- a martial art
- Find something to be thankful for every day.
- Spend as little time as possible with negative people. Even if it's only five minutes a day, it's five minutes that you don't spend being positive and productive.
- Don't worry about the opinion of those who think you are anti-social if you want to distance yourself from certain people. You should become the most important person in your own life. You know what's best for you.
- Use a cute little picture frame to put a simple little note: Be Always Grateful. Put it where you will see it as often as possible.
- Force yourself to analyze your romantic relationships until it becomes a daily habit that you cannot live without. You will find that it helps you stop thinking about negative encounters, which will then be replaced by more harmonious, happy and productive thoughts.
- Meet your basic social needs. Protect yourself so that you don't get overwhelmed by a person's negativity and to protect your happiness.
- People with mental illness or injured by a toxic individual will sometimes exhibit these characteristics as well. If they mistreat you, stay away from them, no matter what, you don't deserve such treatment. However, consider supporting people who are simply craving affection and not abusing you, as they will no longer be toxic, but quite charming, when they resolve their problem.
- Even if you decide to support a toxic person, you should realize that you are not responsible for their change. You only need to be there to help him through a more difficult time. You don't have to, you only do it if you can handle it, if you keep healthy distances between her and you, and if she doesn't abuse you in any way.
- Certain behavioral problems like narcissism, overreaching antisocial character or megalomania are personality disorders. These four cases in particular are difficult for professionals to deal with and tend to become toxic and malicious. In this kind of case, it is not advisable to want to come to the aid of the person, especially if the latter refuses to be helped.