Much more than the subject of successful psychology books, making friends and successfully influencing people is actually a goal that most of us strive to achieve. But to do so, you will need patience, training and strength of character.
Part 1 of 2: controlling your appearance
Step 1. Dress well
Think about the costumes. People dress up to convey an image to others that they will immediately understand, whether the costume is a zombie, firefighter, or even a bridal costume. The point is: all the outfits you wear are costumes, even the clothes you wear on a daily basis. They tell a lot about you to people who see you. Use your clothes to convey an image of yourself to others that shows them personality traits they look for in a friend: self-confidence, happiness, stability.
Generally speaking, this means wearing clean, neat clothes that look good on you. In addition, the colors and patterns of your clothes should match. It shows others that you love yourself enough and are responsible enough to take care of your appearance and have the confidence in yourself to show it to the world
Step 2. Practice good hygiene
When you're close enough to a person to shake their hand, or even closer enough, the difference between good hygiene and bad hygiene is obvious. If you want to bond with other people, you will need to be close to them, so it will ultimately benefit you to keep your body in good shape and keep it as good as possible, just like you do. with your clothes. Shower every day, wash your hair no less than three times and more than five times a week, brush your teeth at least twice a day and floss at least once every day, clean your face, comb or brush your hair and use deodorant every morning. Also consider things that are more sustainable, for example, keeping your fingernails trimmed, and for men, keeping your beard and mustache trimmed and shaving regularly.
For women, it is possible to choose, according to your tastes, to shave your armpits and your legs or not. But take note that for some people, not shaving these areas of your body is still evidence of poor self-esteem and poor self-discipline today. It is therefore best to always shave your armpits and legs again in order to reach the widest possible audience
Step 3. Take care of your hair
No matter how long your hair is, you should always maintain it regularly, cut it or just thin it out at a hairstylist or barber you trust. Make sure you can always make your hair look clean and groomed, even if you don't style it at all the same when you're at home.
Step 4. Maintain Your Assets
More specifically, your home and vehicle (if you own one) are right at the top of the list of things you need to take care of and maintain on a regular basis. You never know who will come to your door without warning or who will see you get out of your car or motorcycle. In addition, taking care of your living environment will help you feel good about yourself.
- Your car should be cleaned about once a month, no litter should be lying around on your seats or carpets and finally, it should be the subject of regular maintenance (change the engine oil or rotate the tires by example). Your bike should be hand cleaned once a month (or more frequently if your bike tends to get dusty quickly or has traces of mud) and it should be serviced twice a year at a cycle store.
- Your home should be kept as clean as possible, within reason of course. To prevent buildup, clean your kitchen and dishes every day after dinner. Clean your laundry as often as possible and once washed, be sure to fold it well and store it in a clean place. If you have a garden, regularly rid it of any waste that may be there using a rake. Regularly sweep the sidewalk in front of your home and the driveway in front of your garage and keep them clean.
Step 5. Control your body language
It has been said many times already, simply because it is a fact, body language is a powerful medium of communication between two people. This is because it is hard to pretend and every moment our body language says a lot about our emotions than we do with our words. In many ways, observing a person's body language as they speak to you can teach you much more than the very words of the person you are speaking to. This is why it is so important that you do everything you can to convey to the people you talk to, through your body language, all the things they would like to hear from you.
- The study of body language is very complex and depends a lot on the context in which you find yourself: the same gesture or the same posture can have different meanings depending on the person concerned as well as where and when this gesture is. fact or this posture is adopted. So try to make yours easy to understand, instead of trying to decode the body language of everyone around you. Control everything you can and be indifferent to the rest.
- Move energetically and without hesitation. This doesn't mean that you should move fast or sharply, no, rather it means that your actions should reflect some kind of aura of confidence in others. When you shake someone's hand, do it firmly, you will be amazed at how many people will notice it. Walk gently and at your own pace, but without walking too slowly and without hunching your shoulders. Let your arms swing in time with your steps.
- Pay attention to your posture. Any CP master will tell you and it has surely been said to you many times before, but having the correct posture is important. Your shoulders should be slightly behind your chest which will prevent your back from leaning forward. Your neck should be in line with your spine, which should also prevent your chin from pointing forward. Correct posture is not only a sign of confidence and good self-esteem, it will also allow you to breathe easier and reduce the risk of chronic back pain as you age.
- Use your face to your advantage. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, your face is a lock just waiting to be opened. Always do your best to smile sincerely, don't hesitate to make eye contact with people (especially when speaking to you) and let your face be animated which shows both sincerity and empathy. People would rather be around someone who smiles and laughs all the time rather than someone who always looks serious and aloof.
Step 6. Stay active
Even an unhealthy body radiates an aura of health around it when the person who owns that body makes a prolonged effort to invigorate that body. Exercise as often as possible and don't overeat. If fixing a schedule isn't your thing, just remember that physical exertion, whatever it is, is always better than nothing at all. Even just a few minutes of exercise in the morning getting out of bed or in the evening after coming home from work will help you maintain good posture, control your body language, and have more energy.
Part 2 of 2: Winning hearts and minds
Step 1. Review your classics of rhetoric
Great speakers come and go, but few have left such a lasting imprint on our civilization as Aristotle, the philosopher of ancient Greece. His approach to rhetoric, dating back two millennia before our time, is still one of the most useful tools at our disposal to learn how to maximize our power of persuasion, for whatever you want to talk about. In Aristotle, any element of persuasion is divided into three vital parts. And by harmoniously combining these three parts, it will be possible for you to shape good arguments and create an irresistible attraction towards yourself.
- Create a strong backbone for your argument with logos. Logos is the clarity, organization, and internal consistency of what you want to say. Speeches made using logos cannot be diverted to make them say something other than what you yourself have decided to say. Any attempt on the part of one of your opponents to change the meaning of your speech will only result in making him look like someone stupid.
- Add credibility to it using ethos. Ethos is the ethical foundation of your argument, which is usually reflected in your tone and the way you state your argument, as well as your presence as a speaker (and your reputation, if you're lucky enough to have one. a). Speeches employing ethos never cast doubt on your personal beliefs, and they reinforce the idea that you know what you are talking about and that you can be trusted.
- Attract your listeners with the help of pathos. Pathos is the part of your argument that helps you connect it to the personal lives of your listeners, their experiences, feelings, and imaginations. By filling your listeners with sympathetic emotions, speech containing pathos makes them talk as much about themselves as they do about you, which will encourage your audience to feel personally invested in what you are saying.
Step 2. Develop your capacity for active listening
Nothing is faster to get people to like you than being a good listener, but that doesn't just come down to sitting there quietly watching your conversation partner's lips move. Being an “active listener” involves using certain techniques that will show the other person that you are listening. With a little practice, all of these techniques will feel natural to you and become part of your communication repertoire.
- When an appropriate pause looms, even in the middle of a sentence, let him know you're still listening with a little noise like "yes" or "mm hmm." ". Don't overplay it, it will make you look impatient. Once every three or four sentences is sufficient.
- Ask questions that will prompt the other person to go into greater detail about what they are telling you, anytime a question pops into your head. Don't cut off the other person in the middle of a sentence, but remember that the sooner the better. It shows that the person in front of you is so interested in you that you want more details.
- Use neutral affirmations. If you are not completely sure what to think about a story, or if you are not sure whether you agree or not, then rely on the emotions of the other person to provide an answer. If the other person is looking at you like he (or she) is having a hard time believing their own story, nod, and say something like "wow, this is crazy!" Or something that will allow you to bond with each other without having to choose one side just yet.
- When the story is over, ask the other person what they think or feel about the story. People love to summarize their ideas after telling a long story.
- After the story has been summarized, summarize it again and share your summary with the person you are speaking with. This shows the other person that you have listened to them and that you understand what he or she said to you. Your interlocutor will appreciate you enormously just for that. You can then continue with your own opinion to bring the conversation to life. For example, imagine someone telling you the story of their cat who needs to be rushed to the vet. When the story is over, say "So your cat was really having health concerns?" But at least you got him to the vet on time. You know, it's just…”
- Use personal anecdotes, but don't overdo them. You're probably trying to be sympathetic and try to show that you understand, but the other person may start to think that maybe you'd rather talk about yourself than listen to others talk. So be moderate in using personal stories and anecdotes.
Step 3. Speak well
Most people think their voices are set in stone, but they are not. Although it is not possible to switch from soprano to baritone, it is still possible to exert quite surprising control over the overall tone of your voice or even the clarity of the words you use.
- Sing along to learn how to control your voice. One of the easiest ways to train your voice is to simply sing it out loud. You don't have to sing for someone else or have a musical ear. This will allow you, through time and repetitions, to have better control over the sounds that come out of your mouth.
- Use a soft and fairly low tone when speaking. It doesn't have to say that you should try to make your voice lower than it is, it just means that you should imagine a bigger space in the back of your mouth and throat and that you should try. to fill that extra space. Don't speak with your nose or pass your words through a tiny opening in your throat. Using a clear, full tone will give you a more cultured tone and make your voice much more pleasant to listen to.
- Give yourself a lot of volume. There is no point in yelling when you speak, but don't speak too quietly either. Don't stifle your voice. This will only make your words harder to understand, and it may also give the impression that you don't really trust yourself.
Step 4. Use acceptable terms
Just because people understand your words doesn't necessarily mean they understand the message you want to convey to them. Anyone who has ever had a fight with a loved one or a lover over communication problems knows that there are good and bad ways to say what to say, but using a few psycholinguistic tips, it will be possible for you to express what is on your heart without angering your listener or making him feel threatened, even, you will succeed in making him have affection for you.
- Using the “I” allows you to carry the full weight of responsibility on your shoulders. During an argument, instead phrase your sentence this way to avoid blaming the other person for making you feel or behaving in a certain way: “When you have (said, done, etc.) that, I felt…”It may sound silly in writing, but actually works very well in a real argument, as it avoids blaming the other person.
For example, instead of saying “What you said made me mad,” say instead, “When you said that, I felt mad. You can then adapt this way of turning things to just about any type of disagreement: "I had a feeling that you …", "I feel (emotion) when you …" and so on
- The use of “we” allows the other person to feel that they are part of what is being said, to include them in the words, or even to make them feel essential in what is being said. When you talk about opportunities, events, or teamwork, using the pronoun "we" helps build the loyalty of your peers to you as well as gives an impression of loyalty to those above you in the world. the social scale. For example, instead of asking someone "Do you want to come spend time with me this weekend?" Instead say "We should spend some time together this weekend!" ". It puts the other person on an equal footing with you and gives them some sort of power over the offer made to them.
Empowering people is a sure way to receive power back, as people will be much more inclined to put in the effort for you when the time comes to return the favor to you, as they will have a positive memory of their last interactions. with you
Step 5. Make your rhythm match that of the people around you
Street hypnotists as well as those you may see on stage use this very powerful technique which has spectacular effects on the person being hypnotized the moment they seem to "charm" the person into changing their mind or trying to do something. little bend the rules. In theory, this method does not rely on much, but in practice, it requires a lot of training before you can master it correctly.
- Start with a short introduction to start the conversation and ask your listener basic questions to get them talking. Using your active listening skills, pay attention to details like the person's accent, verbal tics (like "yes" or "um" for example) and also the way the person is speaking.
- When you answer and keep asking questions about what you want, talk more, but match the way you speak with that of the other person (mimic their way of speaking, verbal tics, etc.). You can also try to mimic his accent a bit, but don't make a crass caricature of it. Talking in the same way as the other will make you feel comfortable and make her feel that she can trust you because you are in a way like her.
- As soon as you notice anything about her body language, copy it. Does he balance his weight from one foot to the other? Is she typing her finger on her desk while waiting for her computer to start or all of her fingers? You can copy these little things to create an even stronger place of sympathy between the two of you.
Step 6. Demonstrate your good character
The main traits of your personality that you should try to show to others are: your ability to support people in difficult times, your kindness, your enthusiasm, your daring and your reliability. It's one of the character traits that people look for in any other person, the character traits that make the person want to listen to you and trust you. It's hard to pretend you have these traits if you don't really have them, as they require sincerity and personal dedication. However, if you focus on them, you can start to practice showing them more often than usual and in a more liberated way.
- Assert yourself every day. It may sound silly, but assertiveness works! Just think of positive personality traits that you want to embody and say them out loud to yourself a few times. Repeat to yourself that you are a person who possesses these character traits: "I am a nice person", "I am an enthusiastic person" and so on.
- Be on the lookout for opportunities to demonstrate your best personal qualities. Many times, because of a situation that makes us feel uncomfortable, we tend to replace our more daring choices with choices that will make us less noticed. Counteract this by remembering to keep your eyes open so that times come when you are about to act with disdain or rude. When you realize you're about to be that unhappy, jaded person, force yourself to be the person people want to be with. While this doesn't change the situation, it is still a great way to train your mind. And in the end, you will manage to internalize it all.