Rejection, whether in love, at work, by your friends, for publishing a book or in any other field, is not something that should influence your happiness. Rejection is an unpleasant feeling and can seem overwhelming at times, but you shouldn't let it take your zest for life. The reality is, rejection is a part of life: there will be times when your job applications, your invitation to date, or your ideas for change will be rejected by someone, somewhere. It's better that you accept this rejection as a part of life and recognize that the most important thing is to find a way to bounce back and try again.
Part 1 of 3: Managing the Immediate Consequences
Step 1. Take a moment to grieve
You will feel upset because of this rejection, whether it is because your manuscript was refused, because one of your ideas was not accepted at work, or because the person you are in love with rejected your proposal. Release. You have the right to be upset, in fact, you can give yourself some time to accept the rejection and grieve.
- Take some time to stop what you are doing in order to come to terms with the rejection. For example, if you can take the rest of the day, do it. Or if you were planning on going out tonight, stay home and watch a movie. Go for a walk after receiving a rejection letter that upset you, or console yourself with a chocolate cake.
- Be careful not to overdo it and spend entire days at home indulging in your sadness. This attitude will only make you feel even worse.
Step 2. Chat with a friend you trust
That doesn't mean you can take it out on your friend to get over this rejection. This attitude will give you a bad image (your potential publishing house, the girl you like, your boss …), they will think that you are a crybaby who cannot handle the little problems in life.. So go see a friend or two of your family and discuss this rejection with them.
- The friend you need to look for is the friend who is going to tell you the truth. It can help you figure out what went wrong (if it does, sometimes you can't change it and you just have to accept it). They can also make sure that you do not sink deeper into your grieving period.
- Avoid social media to express your frustrations. The internet never forgets and when you try to find a new job your potential employer might check the internet and see that you don't know how to deal with rejections. Even if you are really upset or angry, don't put it on the web.
- Don't complain too much. Once again, you don't want to indulge in your rejection, otherwise you will put yourself in a sufficiently outburst (or depressed) state. Don't complain about your rejection every time you talk to someone. If you think you've covered it too much already, ask your friends if you don't repeat yourself too often about your rejection. If they say yes, be careful not to bring up this topic as often.
Step 3. Accept the rejection as soon as possible
If you can come to terms with the rejection at the beginning and move on, it will get easier. It also means that you are not going to be put down by future rejections.
For example, if you don't get your dream job, give yourself a little time to be upset and then move on. Now is a good time to look for something else or to consider what might change in the future. You should keep in mind that when something doesn't work, something else will probably work, most of the time in a way you hadn't even thought of
Step 4. Don't take this rejection personally
Remember that rejection is not a characteristic of who you are. Rejection is part of life and it is not a personal attack. Whatever the reason, the publisher, your friend, or your boss was not interested in your offer.
- The rejection itself is not your fault. The other person rejected something that was not right for them. It is your request that they rejected, not you.
- Remember they can't reject you as a person because they don't know you. Even if you've dated someone a few times, that doesn't mean they know everything there is to know about you so that they can reject you as a person. They simply reject a situation that does not suit them. Respect their choice.
- For example, you invited a girl you really like to go out and she said no. Does that mean you are worthless? That no one else will ever want to date you? Of course not. Quite simply, she is not interested in your proposal (for whatever reason, she might already have a partner, she might not want to go out, etc.).
Step 5. Do something else
You need to stop thinking about this rejection after you have spent enough time grieving. Don't get back to working on the subject of rejection right away, because you're still a little upset. You need some time and space for this.
- For example, say you sent the manuscript of a novel you wrote to a publishing house and it was rejected. After a short period of mourning, try writing a different story or take some time to try your hand at another literary genre (try poetry, short stories, etc.).
- You can also play around with this rejection to help you focus on something else. Go dancing, buy a new book you wanted to read, take your weekend and go to the sea with a friend.
- You cannot let this rejection be a painful drag on your life, because you are going to experience a lot of rejection in your life (like everyone else). By moving on with a friend and doing something else, you don't let this rejection ruin your life.
Part 2 of 3: dealing with rejection in the long run
Step 1. Crop the rejection
Remember that rejection is not because of who you are, now is the time to reframe the rejection and change it to something else. People who talk about their rejection tend to accept rejection less well than people who accept rejection as rejection of a specific situation, not a person.
- For example, if you invite someone out and they say no, instead of thinking they rejected me, think they said no. This way, you don't see the rejection as something negative towards you (after all it is not you who is rejected, but the offer you made).
- Here are other examples of rejection "reframing": tell yourself this friendship evolved and separated us (instead of telling you that your friend rejected you), I didn't get this job (instead of you? say they rejected your request), we had different priorities (instead of telling you they rejected you).
- One of the best phrases to use is it didn't work, because it doesn't make you or the person who rejected you guilty of refusing.
Step 2. Know how to give up
When something doesn't work it doesn't necessarily mean you need to give up, but it's important to know when to give up and try something else. Often times, not giving up just means trying to do the same thing, but in a different, more general way.
- For example, if you invited a girl out and she refused, not giving up means not giving up on the idea of finding love. Move on (don't pester her into thinking you have a chance), but keep asking other girls out.
- Just one more example: if a publisher rejected your manuscript, take some time to stop and think about the things that led to the rejection, while continuing to try with other publishers.
- Never forget that an affirmative answer is never given to you. Since rejection shouldn't validate your existence, don't use it to accuse someone else.
Step 3. Don't let this rejection control your future
As has already been mentioned, rejection is a part of life. You are going to be sad trying to avoid it or crying over your plight. You have to be able to accept that things don't always turn out the way you want them to and that this is perfectly normal! Just because something hasn't worked doesn't mean you have to think your life is a failure or that nothing else is ever going to work again.
- Each situation is unique. Even if a boy hasn't agreed to date you, that doesn't mean all the guys you care about aren't going to want to date you. Now if you start to think that you are always going to be rejected, this is what is going to happen! This is the ideal method to assure yourself of future failures.
- Look forward all the time. By complaining about your rejections, you are going to focus on the past and you are not going to profit from the present. For example, if you can't stop thinking about how many times you weren't accepted for a job, you're going to have a harder time sending resumes and trying out different options.
Step 4. Use it to improve yourself
Sometimes rejection can be a big wake-up call and can help you improve your life. Maybe the publisher rejected your manuscript because you still need to work on your style (you can't publish it now, but that doesn't mean you will never be able to publish it).
- If possible, ask the person who rejected you for more information about the reason for their rejection. For example, your resume might not be correct, so instead of getting upset and telling yourself that no one is ever going to hire you, you can ask the person who read your resume what you should do. to improve. You might not receive a response, but if you do, you'll have an interesting insight into your work to leverage on your next application.
- In the case of a relationship, you can ask the person in question why they don't want to date you, but the answer can be very simple, for example I don't see you that way. There is nothing you can do to change her mind, so the lesson you can learn is to deal with this rejection adequately and stay positive, as another relationship might be possible (even if it is. is not with this person).
Step 5. Stop complaining
Now is the time to let go of that rejection. You've already given yourself plenty of time to grieve, you've talked about it with a trusted friend, you've learned the lessons you need, now you can leave it in the past. The more you dwell on the subject, the more you are going to make something huge out of it and make yourself feel like your life is a series of failures.
If you find that you can't seem to move on, you need to see a professional. Sometimes certain thought patterns (I'm a good-for-nothing, etc.) take hold of your mind and each rejection only anchors them deeper. A professional can help you get over it
Part 3 of 3: Handling the rejection of a request
Step 1. Remember, you have the right to say no
It can be difficult for some people, especially women, but you don't have to say yes to something you don't want to do. There are of course exceptions: when the flight attendant asks you to sit down, you have to sit down.
- If someone invites you on a date and you don't want to date that person, you can tell them directly that you're not interested.
- If a friend of yours really wants to go on a trip and you don't or can't afford it, it's not the end of the world if you say no.
Step 2. Be frank
One of the best ways to reject an offer is to be as candid as possible. Don't be evasive or beat around the bush. Being blunt doesn't mean being mean, although some people will take it that way. There is no way to refuse an invitation (or anything else, an outing, a manuscript, a job) without causing a little pain.
- For example, someone invites you out and you are not interested. Tell him: I'm really flattered, but I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. If he still doesn't understand, tell him more firmly that you are not and that you will never be interested and that the fact that he is pestering you with it makes you want to date him even less.
- Using one of the examples above, when your friend suggests you go on a trip, say thank you for this proposal! I really can't afford to go on vacation right now, even on a weekend. Maybe next time. That way, you don't deny yourself future opportunities to go on vacation while still telling your friend frankly about it, without going through maybe or something like that.
Step 3. Give the exact reasons for the refusal
Although you don't owe anyone an explanation, you may be able to help the person who made the request understand why you aren't interested. If there are possible improvements (especially for things like a manuscript or a resume), you could mention areas where improvement would be welcome.
- In the case of a relationship, just tell him that you are not interested and that you do not feel anything for that person. If he asks for other explanations, tell him that you can't control who you are attracted to or who you like and that he must accept your decision.
- If you refuse a writer's poems for your magazine (and if you have the time), explain to him / her why the poem did not interest you (because of its structure, common places discussed, etc.). Don't tell him his poem was horrible, but you can tell him that he would have to work on it a bit more before he can publish it.
Step 4. Act quickly
By doing the rejection as quickly as possible, you don't allow emotions to build up and escalate. It's like ripping off a bandage. As soon as possible, you must explain to him that his offer (a trip, an outing, a manuscript, etc.) does not interest you.
The faster the rejection unfolds, the faster the person can move on and use that experience to improve
- Find a way to relax after rejection. Some people turn to religion, others take a hot bath or meditate. Find a way to clean your head, let go of your negative feelings, and regain your balance.
- If the person you like has rejected you, that doesn't mean you must feel bad or have a bad opinion of yourself. It just means that she didn't feel the same attraction and you can't change that.
- Just because someone answered no to a request where you expected a yes, doesn't mean they don't see what's good about you, so instead of focusing on their no, focus on your qualities.
- Most successes and acceptances take a lot of work. Sometimes we don't want to recognize that we still have to work before we are as competent as we would like to be. Keep up your enthusiasm, you still have a good chance of success, but keep it as realistic, you still have a lot to learn and a lot of experience to gain. Get to work on figuring out what you need instead of constantly complaining about your refusal.
- Seek professional help if you can't get over depression after rejection. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs, even if it seems to help you in the short term. In the long run, it could destroy your life.
- If you are having trouble not taking the rejections personally, consider discussing it with a counselor or therapist. If you are suffering from depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues, you may not have the strength to withstand this kind of pressure and you will need help. You don't have to be ashamed of it, everyone needs compassion and help at one time or another.
- People won't always respond to you when you ask them for advice. That's life, sometimes they're too busy, sometimes they don't know how to explain without sounding like a personal criticism. Sometimes they just don't want to bother. Once again, don't take it personally. Try to find someone you trust who can volunteer their time so you can move on and try to figure out what improvements you need.