It is often said that we should not respond to rumors otherwise they will be fed. Scientific research tends to prove that this is bad advice. The way rumors were trumped up in the last US election seems to confirm that this new way of looking at things is the right one. What to do if you can't ignore the gossip?
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Responding Adequately
Step 1. Don't be fooled
Don't pretend you have absolutely no idea what people are saying about you. Seeing that you pretend you don't know about it makes people think the rumors are true. There is no point in pretending that you are the only one who has never heard the gossip everyone knows in school or in the office. The first step in dealing with a rumor about you is to recognize that it exists.
- If someone is hinting at the rumor, you can say “I heard what is being said” or “I know what people are saying about me. "
- Better yet, you can take the bad tongues out of gear. If you know that a foul-smelling rumor is swirling around you about you, you may even tell people who haven't heard of it yet. These people are more likely to be on your side if you brought the rumor to them than if the hallway noises tell them.
Step 2. Don't show it hits you
Don't openly seem like gossip makes you angry, hurt or disappoint you. No matter how mean and hurtful what you say, if you look upset in public it will mean your attackers have won. If you are not well, confide in your close friends, it will be better than letting your grief explode in the face of the world. Keep smiling, walk with your head held high, and don't let anyone reach you.
On the other hand, if you show that the rumor touches you, people are likely to think it is true
Step 3. Don't fight evil with evil
While it can be tempting to thwart one rumor by starting another, you need to be on top of it and not fall into the bad habit of gossip. You could obviously tell something about the person who started the rumor about you, or say something unrelated, just to distract attention, but by doing so you risk making matters even worse and damaging. 'sound hard-pressed. You will then be no better than whoever initiated the rumor.
Always remember that you have to come out of this ordeal grown up. You want people to respect you and think you are worth knowing. If you don't want to lose the respect people had for you before the rumor spread, you have to keep walking with your head held high, rather than saying to yourself, “Since I can't fight, I'll do like them. ". This reaction will get you nowhere
Step 4. Talk to an adult or someone in authority if necessary
Sure, it won't be much fun for you to confide in an adult or your boss about this gossip, but they might be able to confront those who are spreading the gossip or comfort you. If the rumor is circulating at school, for example, and you know exactly who is spreading it, telling a teacher about it can scare off the culprits and put a stop to the gossip.
This advice is tricky to apply. It is up to you to decide whether it is necessary to talk to an adult about it or whether you think you can sort things out on your own
Part 2 of 2: Take Action
Step 1. Stand up for yourself
You should not confuse "defending yourself" with "being on the defensive". As silence is not always golden, it can be helpful to have ready answers like, "I don't believe this to be true" or "It seems to me that this is a rumor. unfounded (or malicious). This stuff can do a lot of harm. Make eye contact with people as you say these sentences.
If you are held to account over a rumor, you have to stand up for yourself, no matter what. If you ignore them or show that you don't want to talk about them, people will tell themselves that the rumor is true
Step 2. Determine what gives the rumor credit so you can stop it
The most easily spread rumors are those that are credible and have hard evidence. For example, in the office, a rumor may arise about a possible affair between two employees if these two people flirt at their workplace or if they always have lunch together. Once you've figured out what's driving the rumor, make sure you put a stop to it if you can.
- Don't let yourself go, "They shouldn't think that about me" or "I should be able to do whatever I want without thinking what they will think of it." The point is, they judge you and as long as you behave the same, the rumor will continue to spread.
- Of course, if you haven't done absolutely anything to fuel the rumor, there's nothing you can do. And even if you do something that could potentially fuel the rumor, don't be too hard on yourself!
Step 3. Prove It's Wrong if you can
If you are able to provide any evidence that invalidates the rumor, then do so. For example, if people say your boyfriend doesn't exist, come with him to the next party. If they say you can't swim, plan a poolside afternoon. If you have in your possession a document which can attest once and for all that the rumor is lying, do not tell yourself that you are above it: do not hesitate to show it.
Obviously, the main problem with rumors is that it is usually difficult to prove that they are false. Don't scramble to find proof if it's just unprovable
Step 4. Shout rumor from the rooftops
Yes really. State the rumor aloud or write it down prominently. By admitting the rumor, you make him lose his strength. Rumors are spreading like wildfire because the people who spread them are doing it to gain popularity, to give the impression that they have the “scoop of the century”. If you publicly release their "scoop of the century", they will have no reason to spread the rumor, everyone will already know!
Of course, if this is something very painful, you may not want everyone to know about it. But if you think telling everyone about it is the best way to prove it's ridiculous and stop the hallway noises, then do it
Step 5. Find out the source of the rumor
If you know who started the rumor, you might want to talk to them. Be courteous, hold your head up high, and ask the person frankly why he or she started this rumor. Make it clear that this rumor is harming you without sounding upset. Say something like, “I know we're not really friends, but spreading false rumors about me isn't the best way to solve our problems."
If you don't want to face the person who caused the rumor on your own, go with a few friends. Obviously, don't put yourself in an awkward or dangerous situation if you feel that talking to that person is not going to do you any good
Step 6. Take care of yourself
Rumors can upset, anger or even depress those affected by them. No matter what people say about you, hold your head up high and remember who you are. Don't let others judge your worth, stay strong no matter what people say about you. Spend time with real friends, get enough sleep, and maintain high self-esteem despite the gossip.
You may be so busy trying to figure out the best way to convince people that the rumors are unfounded that you are forgetting to take care of yourself. In this case, you need to refocus on yourself rather than on the trivial attacks of others. This is the only way to get back to a healthy and happy life
Advice
- Above all else, stay calm. People love to watch your reaction. Staying calm will help to bury the rumor and possibly prevent you from being the target of further attacks in the future.
- Try to pretend you don't care. If not, try to pretend. Keep walking with your head held high.
- Try to ignore comments from people around you. Tell yourself that the rumor will eventually stop on its own.
- Talk to a trusted friend and try to check with them to see if the problem is with you.
- If it was you who started a rumor, don't deny it. Rather than thinking about what people will think of you, admit that you've done something wrong.
- Speak openly with people who give credit to the rumor to let them know what's really going on.
Warnings
- Don't have fun spreading gossip, it will backfire and become another rumor.
- Don't waste your time trying to figure out who is causing the rumor. It is totally unnecessary and inefficient.