Learning to be honest without hurting others will allow you to communicate effectively and develop healthier relationships with the people around you. Be aware of the other person's feelings and choose a friendly, non-threatening approach. Use constructive words, especially if you're giving advice or asking someone to make a change. Validate how the person is feeling, avoid overwhelming them, and avoid making judgments. As you learn to be less harsh, people will respond more positively to your comments and feel less attacked by your comments.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Make Your Interactions Positive
Step 1. Clearly determine your intention
If you say something mean and then follow it up with I'm just being honest, or I'm telling you as a friend, you are probably masking your meanness with an air of honesty. Think about the intent of your remark, and see if you want to say something just to be mean.
- This includes petty comments, such as I thought you would never get rid of those jeans!, or I'm surprised you eat this, given your weight.
- As the saying goes, if u don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything!
Step 2. Ignore your emotions
You will be able to say almost anything without being harsh, removing yourself emotionally from the situation. This doesn't mean being cold and stoic when you tell someone you don't like them or that their job is very bad. This means that you shouldn't let your emotions take the lead, so that you don't behave meanly, angry, or badly.
- For example, if you have a friend who is constantly late, don't take your anger out on him if he's late again. Tell him instead, I got up early to be ready on time and come see you, and you let me hang around for 20 minutes. Please be respectful of my time when we have a date.
- If you have to talk to this person, but know you are not calm, take some time to come to your senses. Give yourself an hour, a day, or a few days, depending on your needs. Say, I'm angry at the moment, but I would like to talk about this later, so that I can understand each other better.
Step 3. Find the right time and place to chat
Don't say anything potentially hurtful or embarrassing in front of others. Talking one-on-one with this person will always be the best option. If you need to have an honest discussion, look for the right terms. Choose a quiet place away from curious ears. Pick a time when you and that person can talk calmly, when neither of you has to rush to do anything else.
A face to face conversation is always preferable. This way, both parties can read each other's body language and respond to non-verbal cues
Step 4. Ask, don't demand
Don't become bossy or demanding in your words. Maybe you don't like something the other person is doing, and would like them to stop. Instead of requiring her to change or do things differently, ask her. By asking, rather than demanding, you will show that you care about the other person's feelings and do not demand anything from them.
For example, if someone expands on a topic that doesn't interest you, kindly ask them to talk about something else. Say, I understand correctly! Let's talk about something else !, or I understand your opinion and I don't want to talk about it any further
Step 5. Seek to help, not hurt
If the truth could set you free, it could hurt the other person as well. If you think now is the time to be honest, make sure that honesty actually gets things done. Sometimes you have to be honest with someone, even if the truth hurts them. However, do your best to keep the exchange constructive, not destructive.
- Speak nicely and offer to help people. For example, say, I noticed you missed some deadlines. Is there anything I can do to help you finish these tasks on time?
- Ask yourself, is this saying likely to hurt that person?, or could I say that in a nicer and more constructive way?.
Step 6. Give him or her the choice of bringing up the subject or not
Perhaps you have strong beliefs, and would like others to recognize them as true. You might be entirely right or have higher moral expectations, but you can't get anyone to see things your way. If the person you're talking to makes it clear to you that they don't want to discuss the topic, drop the conversation.
- For example, you might have strong religious beliefs or moral values. If you're trying to convert someone to your truth, respect their choice not to want to participate in the conversation, even if you're sure you're right.
- Often, forced discussions will put people off more than they will get them to understand your point of view.
Part 2 of 3: Be kind to the other person
Step 1. Be sensitive to the other person
Do not center the conversation around yourself alone. Listen to what the other person has to say and take their feelings into account. If he seems uncomfortable or shocked, choose gentler words. Be aware of how this person communicates and how they interpret your words.
Don't just listen to his words. Also pay attention to his body language. If she avoids your gaze, crosses her arms, or seems like she wants to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, consider changing her tone
Step 2. Validate his feelings
Be aware of how the other person is feeling (or how they might be feeling) as you talk to them. No matter how the person reacts or responds, what they are feeling is valid. If she is offended or upset, understand that it is okay to react that way, even if you don't like it. Let him know that you understand and are sensitive to his feelings.
- Avoid formulas like you should try this, or you should do that instead. You would deny the other person's feelings and come across as an expert.
- For example, say, I can see you're upset with what I'm saying, and that's totally understandable. I want to bring something to your attention, but I don't want to hurt you.
Step 3. See the positives, not just the negatives
Perhaps you tend to be critical in your approach to life. While this can be helpful behavior, it is often less helpful when you're around other people. Don't just focus on what you don't like about someone or what they don't do well. Balance your negative thoughts with more positive aspects of his behavior or words. When you talk to her about something you don't like about her behavior, talk about things you like too.
For example, to a friend who lets you down a lot, you might say, you are a great friend and I love spending time with you. Still, I get so frustrated when you cancel our plans at the last minute
Step 4. Hold onto your judgments
Telling the truth does not mean that you have a free hand to share your judgments. Maybe you are not happy with the decision this person has made. Avoid explaining to her what she is wrong with, and focus on what is worrying you. Use good judgment in what and how you bring it up.
For example, if you have a friend who does drugs, don't tell him, drugs are very bad, I can't believe you are taking them. Instead, tell him, I've been worried about you since you started using drugs. I have noticed some changes in your behavior and I'm afraid all is not going well for you
Part 3 of 3: Work on your way of communicating
Step 1. Avoid blaming your interviewer
For example, you might be working with a colleague and being late on a project. Instead of blaming this coworker, find a way to move forward. Maybe your colleague has really fallen behind, but by working together you will find solutions.
If you catch yourself saying, someone had to say it, to express your anger towards that person, you are probably using your honesty to blame others
Step 2. Take a friendly tone
When you yell at someone or talk to someone, the tone used is not the same. When talking to someone, adopt a casual or professional tone. Your harshness could show in your tone. Avoid responding too quickly, using harsh words, or speaking too loudly.
For example, to avoid sounding aggressive, use a softer voice
Step 3. Use humor
If a friend of yours has a bad habit that's driving you crazy, don't lose your temper. Instead, use humor to approach the subject gently. This will allow you to say what you have to say, and avoid making a big deal out of nothing. Humor might also help you ease a tense or difficult situation.
Play a little joke, or say something funny to get your point across
Step 4. If necessary, avoid the question
If someone asks you a question that you don't dare answer honestly, don't answer it. For example, if the person asks you, do you like my boyfriend?, or what do you think of these pants?, you might want to answer honestly, but your answer might be hurtful. Stay vague or provide a response on the topic. This will allow you to be honest, while remaining kind and harmless.