No one said being a good father was easy. No matter how old your child is and how many children you have, you should know that a father can never try too hard. To be a good father, you will need to be present, know how to impose discipline and lead by example, while understanding your child's needs without spoiling him.
Part 1 of 4: be present
Step 1. Take time for your children
For your kids, it doesn't matter if you just got a big promotion at work or bought the most expensive house on the street. What matters to your children is that you are home for dinner, take them to a Sunday soccer game, and be there to watch a movie with them once a week. To be a good father, you will need to make time for your children every day, or at least every week, no matter how busy you are.
- Record this time in your calendar. Maybe you could spend Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday evenings with your kids. Make sure you are free on those evenings and don't cancel those evenings with your kids for other commitments.
- If you have more than one child, you will also need to take the time to spend one-on-one time with each child, so that your one-to-one relationships with each can develop.
- If you're so tired that you can't get up to go play basketball with your son, substitute this activity for something else, like watching a basketball game with him or watching a basketball movie. The most important thing is that you are present.
Step 2. Be there for important events in your children's lives
While spending time with your children every week is a good way to strengthen your relationship with them, you should also try to be there for important events in their lives. Arrange your schedule so that you can be there for your son's first day of school, your daughter's dance performance, or your child's graduation.
- Your children will remember these events for the rest of their lives and your presence will mean a lot to them.
- You might be very busy during the time these events take place, but if you miss them, you will regret it later.
Step 3. Teach Your Children Important Life Lessons
You will also need to teach your children to do the basic chores of life. Help your son use the toilet, teach your kids to brush their teeth properly, help them learn to ride a bike, and teach them to ride when the time is right. You could also teach your sons to shave and take care of them. Your children will need you to learn the important lessons of life, as well as to carry out the small tasks of the day.
- Share these lessons with your wife. You should both be teaching your children the things they need to know to grow.
- Help your children learn from their mistakes. If your kids did something wrong, help them understand their mistake and teach them how to avoid the behavior in the future, instead of just punishing them and moving on.
Step 4. Communicate clearly
It is very important that you are present during the important moments in the life of your children and it is also very important that you are able to communicate with your children when you are present. You don't have to do something amazing to make your kids enjoy the time spent with you, you just need to make sure that you are able to communicate with them, in order to understand their concerns and difficulties.
- Make sure you check in with your kids every day, so you know what their issues are, what their schedule for the week is, and what they have on their minds.
- Don't ask them superficially, "How was your day?" Without really listening to their answers.
- If your kids are busy teens or students, they might not want to discuss the details of their days with you. Just make sure you check in with them often enough that they know you care about them without them feeling busy.
Step 5. Plan outings with your children
To be a good father, you will need to take the time to go out with your children, with or without their mother. You could take your sons fishing once a year, take your daughter to the beach, or even organize a camping trip your kids will never forget. Whatever you do, make these outings special, memorable events that you can repeat once a year so that these moments between father and children become a tradition.
- If the mother of the children is present on these outings, be sure to spend time alone with your children.
- By planning these outings several months in advance, your children will be looking forward to them with impatience and excitement.
Step 6. Take time for yourself
While being there for your children is important, you should also try to make time for yourself when you can, whether it's spending Sunday afternoons doing what you love, take half an hour every morning to go for a run or dive into a good book at night before bed. You should get your children's best interests out of the way most of the time, without completely neglecting yourself.
- If you don't make time for yourself, you won't be able to relax, rejuvenate, and give your kids the attention and time they deserve.
- You might have a room or chair where your kids know they shouldn't disturb you. Help them get used to the idea of "time for yourself" and explain to them that you want to be alone for a while, unless of course they really need you.
Part 2 of 4: be tough, but fair
Step 1. Reward Your Children Appropriately
To discipline a child, it is not enough to punish him when he does something stupid. He should also be rewarded when he does something good, in order to encourage him to behave well. Whether your child got a good grade, helped his little brother do something, or was mature enough to walk away from a fight, you will need to tell him how proud you are of him, take him to eat in her favorite restaurant or do your best to let her know that you appreciate her behavior.
- When your children are still young, rewarding them with your affection will allow you to show them your pride.
- While rewarding your kids with a treat or a toy every now and then can make them behave well, these rewards shouldn't be their only motivation to behave well. Your kids should want to do the right thing because you've taught them to tell right from wrong.
- Don't reward your child for something they have to do, like helping out with housework or tidying up their room. If you do, your kids will feel like they're doing you a favor.
Step 2. Punish your child appropriately
To be harsh, but fair, you will need to punish your child when they do something wrong. This doesn't mean that you should be physically or psychologically abusive, it just means that you need to make your child understand that he has done wrong and show him the consequences of his actions. Once your child is old enough to reason, he will need to be able to understand when he has made a mistake.
Be sure to agree with your wife on what punishments to apply to children. The consequences should be the same whether Mom or Dad witnesses the silliness. You will thus avoid the "bad cop / good cop" mode
Step 3. Be Consistent
Being consistent is just as important as having a system of punishments and rewards. If your child behaves badly, the consequences should be the same every time, even if you are in public or tired. And if your child is doing something right, don't forget to praise them, even if you are exhausted or stressed.
If your behaviors are inconsistent, your children will know they are being influenced by your moods
Step 4. Don't yell
Even if your child's behavior makes you angry, yelling is not the answer. If you must shout, shout when you're alone, in the shower, or on a pillow. But don't yell at your children, even if you are mad. You can raise the tone slightly to let them know that they've made a mistake, but if you start yelling, your kids will be afraid of you and won't want to communicate with you.
Even if this is difficult, at all costs you should avoid letting your children see you lose control
Step 5. Don't be violent
No matter how angry you are, don't hit, hurt, or violently grab your children. You would hurt them both physically and emotionally and they will want to avoid you at all costs. If your children are afraid that you will be abusive, they will withdraw and not want to spend time with you. To gain the respect of your children, you will need to avoid being violent in their presence as well as in the presence of their mother.
Step 6. Be feared and loved
It is important that your children know that you are strict and that they cannot do anything in front of you. But just as important is that they seek your love and affection and have a good time with you. To be a good father, you will need to know both how to be severe and show your love for your children.
- If you are too eager to be feared, your children may not be comfortable around you and may not open up to you.
- If you are too striving to be loved, your children will trample on you.
Part 3 of 4: set a good example
Step 1. Set a good example
To set a good example, you will need to apply the mantra “do what I do and what I say”, so that your children will know that you are not being hypocritical when you teach them to tell the difference between right and wrong. If you want your children to behave the way you want them to behave, they will need to be able to follow your example. Here are several ways to set a good example.
- If you don't want your kids to smoke or drink a lot of alcohol, you shouldn't do these things in front of them, or even at all.
- If you want your children to treat others with respect and kindness, they will need to see you treating others, from the direct seller to the restaurant waiter, with respect.
- If you want your kids not to fight, then don't argue with their mom in front of them.
Step 2. Treat the mother of your children with respect
To be a good example, you will need to treat the mother of your children with respect. If the mother of your children is your wife, you will need to show them how much you love her, help her, and spend time with her. If you are mean to your wife, your children will think they have a right to disrespect their mother or other people because their father does.
- Treating the mother of your children with respect includes participating in household chores and helping her take care of the children.
- Show your children that you admire their mother and give her the love and affection she deserves.
- You will not only need to treat the mother of your children with respect, but also love her and work to maintain a loving, fun and nurturing relationship. If the children see their mothers happy, they will be happy themselves.
- If you are divorced from the mother of your children, never tell them anything bad about your ex-wife, even if you are not on very good terms with her. If your children witness your bad relationship with their mother, they will be stressed and confused.
Step 3. Admit Your Mistakes
You don't have to be perfect to be a good example. In fact, it is even better if you are not perfect, so your children will see that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. If you've made a mistake, such as forgetting to pick up your child from school at the right time or losing your temper, apologize and say you are aware you made a mistake.
- If you are able to swallow your pride in front of your children, they will see that they too can admit their mistakes.
- Admitting your mistakes will teach your children a more important lesson than never making mistakes.
Step 4. Help with household chores
If you want your children to participate in household chores, you will need to do the same, even if your job takes up all your time. Show your kids that you do the dishes, clean the table, and vacuum and they'll want to help too. If your kids think housework is their mother's assignment, they won't want to participate in household chores when they're old enough for it.
Helping out with the housework will do your wife a favor and help your children understand that you and your wife are working as a team and that they too should be involved
Step 5. Earn the respect of your children
Respect is not due, it is earned and you should do all you can to get your children to respect you as a father. If you are not around often, if you yell at their mother, or if you are not often in the mood to teach them a lesson, they will not respect you for the simple reason that you are their father. You will need to behave admirably, honestly and consistently, so that your children know that you are a good father and that they have every reason to admire you.
Your kids shouldn't revere you and think you're perfect - they should see you're human and are making an effort to behave properly
Step 6. Flood your children with love and affection
You might think that being a role model means being a little aloof and always doing the right thing. Being a role model actually means being close enough to your kids to hug and kiss them and let them know how much you love them. Don't let a day go by without saying “I love you” to your children, showing them your physical affection and telling them how much they mean to you.
- Your children want your love and affection, regardless of their age.
- Praise your children and tell them that your life wouldn't be the same without them.
Part 4 of 4: be understanding
Step 1. Accept that your children are different from you
You may have hoped that your children would take over the family business, study at the same school as you, or be as soccer fanatic as you are, but you will have to accept that your children are real people, with their children. their own needs and wants, which may differ from yours. You might think that only you know the path to happiness, but in order to be a good father you will have to accept that your children have a different idea of how they should live their lives.
- You might think that you are doing the right thing to tell your children what to do or how to live their lives, but by trying to control them you are only hampering their independence.
- It may take time to come to terms with your children's wishes. If you don't immediately understand why your son wants to be an artist when you are a doctor, ask him to explain it to you and take the time to listen and understand him.
- If you try to control your kids more than you can, they will resent you and stop opening up to you.
- Let your children make their own decisions by letting them be independent and open-minded. You might want them to play basketball, but instead sign them up for various activities and let them choose what they prefer.
Step 2. Be aware of the changes in the weather
To be a good father, you will need to understand that your children do not grow up in the same environment that you grew up in.With globalization, the influence of social media and political changes in society today, your children are probably less hatched than you were and are aware of the issues and changes in the world.
- For this, be aware that things like body piercings, premarital sex, and traveling the world are very common today, much more so than when you were younger. Accept that your children are the result of their time and that they will want to explore the world more than you wanted at their age.
- You might think you know exactly how the world should work, but you need to let your kids speak up and share their perspectives with you.
Step 3. Accept your children's mistakes
To be an understanding father you will need to come to terms with the fact that, like you, your children are not perfect and will inevitably make mistakes. These mistakes will help your children grow up, and you will have to accept that this process is necessary, whether your son has a minor car accident, fails an exam because he didn't study, or dated unsavory girls.
- If you don't let your kids make mistakes every now and then, they won't learn. You may want to protect them, but by letting them make their own mistakes, you will allow them to make more informed decisions.
- You will still need to discipline your children appropriately when they make mistakes, but you will also need to discuss their mistakes with them and make them understand their mistakes instead of just getting angry.
Step 4. Understand when your children are having difficulty
To be a good father, you will need to know how to recognize when your children are having difficulties and be attentive to their needs. Your little boy may be struggling to fit in at school because you've just moved to a new town where he doesn't have any friends or maybe your daughter is going through her first breakup in love and emotionally fragile.
- While you can't completely excuse your children's distant or emotional behavior, you should be aware of what's going on in their heads so that you can be understanding and talk to them when they are going through a difficult time.
- Just saying, "I know you are going through a difficult time. You want to talk about it ? Will help your children understand that you care about them.
- Try to put yourself in your child's shoes. If you are frustrated, understanding the situation your child is in will help you understand their behavior.
Step 5. Don't expect anything unrealistic from your children
A child's life can be full of pressure, from siblings or children in school or from teachers and sports coaches. Help your children understand their desires and assess their abilities and limitations. Help them set achievable goals. Encourage them to do the best they can, but avoid living vicariously through them expecting them to achieve what you have achieved or would have wanted to achieve.
Step 6. Realize that a father's job is never done
Do not think that once your children are 18 or graduate, your mission will end. While it's important to encourage your kids to become financially and emotionally independent, it's also important to let them know that you care about them and will always be there for them.
- Be patient in everything you do with your children.
- Always listen to your children.
- Always talk to your children and not to your children.
- Set an example and act on the principles you are trying to instill in your children. Don't make excuses for your own actions like “do what I say, not what I do”.
- The goal of disciplining your child is to show him that his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force is rarely (if ever) necessary to achieve your goal, regardless of the child's age. Often, other approaches, such as depriving your child of something that matters to them, will be more effective over time, while not hurting your child's self-esteem and respect for you as a child. parent. Teaching a child to tell right from wrong is a process. Discipline methods that work well in the short term could have unintended negative consequences in the long term.
- Pay your child support on time.