How to convince people (with pictures)

How to convince people (with pictures)
How to convince people (with pictures)

Convincing people that your path is the best is often very difficult, especially when you are not sure why they are saying no. The trick is to get them to wonder why they are saying no and with the right tactics this can be quite easy to do.


Part 1 of 5: Learn the basics

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Step 1. Recognize the right time

Knowing how to persuade people isn't just about words and body language - it's about recognizing the right time to speak with them. If you approach people when they are more relaxed and open to discussion, you will most likely get better results faster.

People are easier to persuade immediately after thanking someone: they feel indebted. What is more, they feel more persuasive after being fired: they think they are in their right. If someone thanks you, now is a great time to ask for a favor. It's a kind of give and take. You've scratched their backs, now it's high time they scratched yours

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Step 2. Get to know them

A big part of whether or not persuasion is effective depends on the overall relationship between you and your client (son, friend, employee). If you don't know the person well, it's imperative to start building that relationship immediately: find common ground as soon as possible. Human beings, in general, feel more secure (and therefore are more fond of those people who are like them). So find some commonalities and let them know.

  • First, talk about what interests them most. One of the best ways to get people to open up is to talk about what they are passionate about. Ask smart, thoughtful questions about what interests them, and don't forget to mention why these passions interest you! Seeing that you are a soul mate, a person will think that it is okay to be receptive and open to you.

    Is this a photo of them skydiving on their desk? It's crazy ! You are about to make your first jump: do you have to do it from 3000 or 4000 meters? What do they think of it?

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Step 3. Speak in the affirmative

If you tell your son or daughter "Don't mess up your room" when all you mean is "Tidy up your room", you won't get far. "Don't hesitate to contact me" is not the same as "Call me Thursday!" Whoever you are talking to will not know what you want to say and therefore will not be able to give you what you want.

There is something to be clarified about the clarity. If you are confused, the person may want to agree with you, but may not know what you are looking for. Speaking in the affirmative will help you maintain candor and clarify your intentions

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Step 4. Build on ethics, compassion, and talk

Do you remember in high school you went to that literature class that taught you Aristotle's precepts? No ? Well, here's something to brush up on your knowledge. This guy was smart and his precepts are so human that they are still relevant today.

  • Ethics - Think "credibility". We tend to believe the people we respect. Why do you think spokespersons exist? For this exact reason. Here is an example: the Hanes brand. Good underwear, a respectable business. Is that enough to get you to buy his products? Well, maybe. Wait, Michael Jordan hasn't been Hanes' emblem for over two decades? Sold !
  • Compassion - It is based on your emotions. Everyone knows the Humane Society commercial with Sarah McLaghlan, the sad music and the sad puppies. This ad is the worst. Why ? Because you look at her, you get sad and you feel obligated to help the puppies. Compassion at its peak.
  • Speech (logos) - Logos is the root of the word logic. This is perhaps the most honest method of persuasion. You are simply indicating why the person you are talking to should agree with you. This is why statistics are used predominantly. If you were told, "On average, adults who smoke cigarettes die 14 years earlier than non-smokers" (which is true, in fact) and you believed you were going to live a long life? and healthy, logic would have you stop. Boom. Persuasion.
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Step 5. Generate a need

This is rule # 1 when it comes to persuasion. After all, if the need for what you're trying to sell doesn't exist, it won't happen. You don't have to be the next Bill Gates (but he certainly created a need): all you have to do is look at Maslow's Pyramid of Needs. Think about different areas of need, whether it be physiology, security, love and belonging, self-esteem, or self-actualization needs, you can certainly find an area that is missing something, something. that you can improve.

  • Create the lack. Apart from what we humans need to survive, almost everything has value on a relative scale. Sometimes (maybe most of the time) we want things because other people want (or have) these things. If you want someone to want what you have (or just want you), you have to make that item rare, even if that item is yourself. Meet the demand, at the end of the day.
  • Create urgency. In order to get people to act in the moment, you have to be able to invoke a sense of urgency. If they aren't motivated enough to want what you have right now, they're unlikely to change their mind in the future. You have to convince people in the present, that's all that matters.

Part 2 of 5: Improving Your Skills

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Step 1. Speak quickly

Yeah. It's true: people are more convinced by a smooth, confident and quick talker than by precision. It just makes sense: the faster you speak, the less time your listener has to process what you have said and question it. You create the feeling that you really have the subject matter under control by going through the facts at breakneck speed, sure of yourself.

In October 1976, a study published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology" analyzed speech speed and attitude. The researchers spoke to the participants, trying to convince them that caffeine was bad for them. When they spoke at a turbocharged rate of 195 words per minute, attendees were more convinced. Those to whom the lecture was given at 102 wpm were less convinced. It has been judged that with a higher speaking rate (195 words per minute is the fastest speed at which people speak in normal conversation), the message is considered more believable, and therefore more convincing. Speaking quickly seems to indicate confidence, intelligence, objectivity, and superior knowledge. Speech at 100 wpm, the minimum in normal conversation, has been associated with the flip side

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Step 2. Be arrogant

Who would have thought that being arrogant was a good thing (in good times)? In fact, a recent study indicated that human beings prefer cockiness to expertise. Ever wondered why bad politicians and bigwigs always get away with everything? Why does Sarah Palin still have a column on Fox News? It is the consequence of the way human psychology works. A consequence, indeed.

Research at Carnegie Mellon University has shown that humans prefer to take advice from trusted sources, even though we know the source has a not-so-bright track record. If someone is aware of this (consciously or not), they may be led to exaggerate their confidence in the subject

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Step 3. Master your body language

If you seem unreachable, closed, and unwilling to compromise, people won't want to hear a word of what you have to say. Even if you only say the correct things, they choose the words of your body. Watch your positioning just as much as you watch your mouth.

  • Stay open. Keep your arms straight and your body turned towards the other person. Maintain good eye contact, smile and fix a point to avoid fidgeting.
  • Be the mirror of the other. Once again, humans love those they see as themselves. By being their mirror, you are, literally, in the same position as them. If they are leaning on an elbow, lean on the elbow like a mirror. If they lean back, lean back. Don't do this so knowingly that it will grab their attention. In fact, if you feel a deal, you should do it almost automatically.
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Step 4. Stay Consistent

Imagine an excellent politician standing in his suit on a podium. A journalist asks him why he mainly supports people aged 50 and over. In response, he raises his fist and says aggressively, "I am here for the younger generation." What is wrong?

Everything is wrong. His image, his body, his movements go against what he says. He's got the right response, flexible, but his body language is stiff, uncomfortable, and fierce. As a result, it is not credible. To be compelling, your message and body language must match. Otherwise, you will sound like a liar

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Step 5. Be Persistent

Well, you shouldn't harass one person to death when they say no, but don't let that deter you from asking the next person. You will not be convincing with everyone, especially before you have finished your apprenticeship. Persistence will pay off in the long run.

The most convincing person is the one who is willing to keep asking for what they want, even when they keep getting rebuffed. No world leader would have achieved anything if he had given up after his first failure. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most revered presidents in history, lost his mother, three sons, one sister, his girlfriend, failed in business and lost eight different elections before being elected President of the United States

Part 3 of 5: motivate yourself

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Step 1. Go for an economic motivation

Want to get something from someone, it's time to get down to business. Now what can you give her? Do you know anything that this person would like to have? The first answer: money.

Say you have a blog or journal and want an interview with an author. Instead of saying, “Hey! I love your job!”, What would be more effective? Here is an example: “Dear John, I noticed that you have a book coming out in a few weeks and I believe my readers on my blog will devour it. Would you be interested in a 20 minute interview for me to present to all my readers? We could also summarize it to launch it”. Now John knows that if he does this article he will reach a wider audience, selling more and making more money

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Step 2. Go for social motivation

Well, well, not everyone is concerned about money. If that's not an option, go the social route. Most people are concerned about their overall image. If you know a friend of theirs, even better.

Here's the same theme, using only social motivation: “Dear John, I recently read some of the research you published and I couldn't help but wonder: why EVERYBODY doesn't. not knowledge? I was wondering, would you be interested in a small 20 minute interview where we will talk about this research work? In the past I have talked about the research of Max, someone I know you have worked with in the past and I believe your research will be a hit on my blog”. Now, Jean knows that Max is in the game (allusion to ethics) and that this person is passionate about his work. Socially, Jean has no reason not to and many reasons to do so

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Step 3. Follow the moral path

It can be said that this method is the weakest, but it may be more effective with some people. If you think someone won't be moved by money or social image, give this method a chance.

“Dear John, I recently read the research work you published and I couldn't help but wonder: why isn't everyone aware of it? In fact, this is one of the reasons why I launched my internet column Social Mechanisms. My big goal is to bring knowledge of academic documents to the general public. I was wondering if you were interested in a little 20 minute talk. We could highlight your research for all of my listeners and I hope we could also make the world a little smarter”. The latter method ignores money and ego and takes the moral route directly

Part 4 of 5: Employ the right strategies

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Step 1. Use the beauty of guilt and reciprocity

Have you ever had a friend who says "The first round is for me!" "And immediately thought" I have the second then! ? This is because we are conditioned to return the favors. It is all about justice. So when you do a “good deed” for someone, think of it as an investment for the future. People are going to want to give back.

If you are skeptical, there are people around you who use this technique all the time. All the time. Those pesky women at the kiosks at the mall handing out lotions? Reciprocity. Mint on your bill at the end of dinner? Reciprocity. The free glass of tequila you got at the bar? Reciprocity. She is everywhere. Companies all over the world use it

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Step 2. Harness the power of consensus

It's human nature to want to be cool and to adapt. When you let someone know that other people are doing it (hopefully a group or someone they respect) it gives them comfort that what you are saying is right and helps them. brain not to question the veracity of what you are saying. Having a "herd mentality" causes us to be mentally lazy. It also prevents us from being left behind.

  • An example of the success of this method is the use of information cards in hotel bathrooms. In a study, the number of guests who reused their towels increased by 33% when information cards in hotel rooms said that "75% of guests who stay at this hotel reuse their towels", according to a study conducted in Tempe, Arizona.

    It gets more intense. If you've ever taken a psychology course, you've heard of this phenomenon. Back in the 1950s, Solomon Asch conducted a whole host of compliance studies. He put one person in a group of accomplices who were instructed to give the wrong answer (in this case, a visibly shorter line was longer, something a 3-year-old could do). As a result, 75% of the participants said the shorter line was longer and totally compromised what they really believed, just to fit the norm. Crazy, eh?

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Step 3. Ask a lot

If you are a parent, you have seen this before. A child says “Mom, mom! Let's go to the beach ! Mom says no, feels a little guilty, but doesn't have a chance to change her mind. But then when the kid says, “Okay, great. Let's go to the pool, then! Mom will say yes and do it.

So ask for what you really want second. People feel guilty when they refuse a request, regardless of what it usually is.If the second request (i.e. the actual request) is something that they have no reason not to comply with, then they will take the opportunity. The second request frees them from guilt, like an emergency exit. They will feel relieved, better about themselves, and you will get what you want. If you want us to give you 10 euros, ask for 25. If you want a project to be completed in a month, ask for 2 weeks first

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Step 4. Use us

Studies have shown that reassurance of "us" is more effective in convincing people than other, less positive approaches (i.e., the threatening approach (if you don't, I will) and the threatening approach. rational (you should do this for the following reasons.) Using “we” gives a sense of camaraderie, community and understanding.

Remember, as we said earlier, how important it is to build a relationship so that the listener feels like you and loves you? And, then, as we have advised you to reflect your body language so that the listener feels like you and loves you? Well, now you have to use “we”… so that the listener will feel alike and like you. I bet you didn't see it coming

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Step 5. Start things

You know how sometimes a team just can't quite function until someone “gets the ball”? Now, you've got to be that person. If you take the first step, the other person will be more inclined to follow suit.

People are more likely to be ready to complete a task than to complete it from start to finish. The next time the laundry needs to be washed, try throwing the clothes into the machine, asking your partner if they'll snap it on. It's so easy that he won't have any reason to say no

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Step 6. Get people to say yes

People want to be consistent with themselves. If you get them to say "yes" (somehow), they'll want to stick with it. If they have admitted that they would like to approach a certain problem or that they are doing it in a certain way and that you offer them a solution, they will feel pressured to adopt it. Either way, get their agreement.

In a study conducted by Xu Jing and Robert Wyer, participants showed that they were more receptive to anything if they agreed with the first thing they were shown. In one of these sessions, participants listened to either a speech by John McCain or a speech by Barack Obama and then watched a Toyota advertisement. Were Republicans more influenced by advertising after seeing John McCain and the Democrats? You guessed it: they were more pro-Toyota after seeing Barack Obama. So if you are trying to sell something, get your customers to agree with you first, even if what you are talking about has nothing to do with what you are selling

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Step 7. Balance things out

Despite appearances, people have independent thoughts and not all are fools. If you don't make all your points, people will be less likely to believe or agree with you. If there are any flaws in your face, address them yourself, especially before someone else does.

Over the years, many studies have been performed comparing one-sided and two-sided arguments as well as their effectiveness and persuasive potential in different contexts. Daniel O'Keefe, from the University of Illinois, studied the results of 107 different studies (50 years old, 20,111 participants) and developed a kind of meta-analysis. He concluded that two-sided arguments are more convincing than their one-sided counterpart across the board, with different types of persuasive messages and with varying audiences

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Step 8. Use a secret boot

Ever heard of Pavlov's dog? No, not the 70s rock band from Saint-Louis. The classic conditioning experiment. It is very simple. You are doing something that subconsciously evokes a response from the other and he doesn't even know it. But know that it takes time and a whole lot of effort.

If every time your friend mentions Pepsi you moan, that's an example of classic conditioning. In the end, when you moan, your friend will think of Pepsi (maybe you want him to drink more Coke?). Here's a more useful example: if your boss uses the same phrases to congratulate everyone, when you hear him congratulate someone else, it reminds you of when he said the same thing to you and you are working a a little harder with a burst of pride that puts you in a good mood

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Step 9. Increase your expectations

If you are in a position of power, this method is even better: it is the absolute "must". Let it be known that you have full confidence in the positive attributes of your associates (employees, children, etc.) and they will be more likely to comply.

  • If you tell your child he's smart and you know he's going to get good grades, he won't want to disappoint you (if he can avoid it). Let him know that you trust him, it will be easier for him to trust himself.
  • If you are the boss of a business, be a source of positivity for your employees. If you give someone a particularly difficult project, let them know you're giving it to them because you know they can do it. He has many qualities that prove it. With this help, his job will be even better.
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Step 10. Avoid a loss

If you can give someone something, so much the better. But if you can prevent something from being taken away, even better. You can save him stress in his life: why would he say no?

  • There is a study in which a group of executives had to make a decision on proposals involving loss and gain. The differences were huge: the executives who said yes to the proposal that saved the company from losing $ 500,000 were twice as numerous as those who said yes to the one that allowed them to win $ 500,000. Could you be more convincing just by describing the costs and hovering over the benefits? May be.
  • It works just as well at home. Can't seem to take your husband off the television for a nice night out? Easy. Rather than going off on the guilt and telling her your tune about your need to have a "good time," remind her that it's the last night before the kids come back. He will be easier to convince knowing that he may be missing out on something.

    This method should be taken with a grain of salt. There is conflicting research that suggests people don't like being reminded of negative things, at least personally. When it affects them too much, they fear the negative implications. For example, they would rather have attractive skin than avoid skin cancer. So, keep in mind what you are asking before you work it out

Part 5 of 5: Act like a salesperson

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Step 1. Maintain eye contact and smile

Be polite, playful and charismatic. A good attitude will help you more than you think. People will want to hear what you have to say. After all, getting your foot in the door is the hardest part.

You don't want them to think you want to impose your point of view on them. Be gentle and confident: they will be more likely to believe every word

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Step 2. Know your product

Show them all the benefits of your idea. Not for you, no! Tell them how it their will benefit. It always commands attention.

Be honest. If you have a product or idea that they just don't need, they'll find out. It will get awkward and they will stop believing you, even though your words may ring true in their ears. Treat both sides of the situation to assure them that you are rational, logical, and have the best of intentions

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Step 3. Prepare for contradictions

And be prepared for anything you might not have thought of! If you've worked on your speech and sat down to assess it thoroughly, this shouldn't be a problem.

People are going to be looking for a reason to say "no" if you seem to be getting the most benefit from the situation. Minimize this phenomenon. The caller should be the one who benefits, not you

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Step 4. Don't be afraid to agree with the person

There is a huge amount of persuasion in negotiation. Just because you had to negotiate doesn't mean you didn't win in the end. In fact, tons of research have shown that the simple word "yes" has powers of persuasion.

While "yes" seems like a strange candidate for being a persuasive word, it does seem to have power because it makes you appear nice and friendly and the other person is part of the request. Incorporating what you are looking for as a deal, rather than a favor, can lead the person to 'help'

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Step 5. Use indirect communication with leaders

If you're talking to your boss or someone else in a position of power, you might want to avoid being too blunt. It is the same if your proposal is rather ambitious. With the leaders, you want to direct their thoughts, to allow them to think that they come from them. They need to maintain their sense of power in order to feel satisfied. Play the game and feed them your good ideas smoothly.

Start by making your boss feel a little less confident. Talk about something he doesn't know much about. If possible, speak outside his office in neutral territory. After your speech, remind him who the boss is (he is!), So he can feel powerful once again, and he can do something about your request

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Step 6. Be detached and remain calm in the event of conflict

Locking yourself in emotions doesn't make anyone more effective at persuading. In situations of conflict or emotion, staying calm, detached and unemotional will always give you more influence. If someone else is losing their temper, people will look to you for a sense of stability. After all, you are in control of your emotions. They will trust you to guide them through these times.

Use anger wisely. The conflict makes most people uncomfortable. If you are ready to "go there" by making the situation tense, it is as if the other is going back. Don't do this often, and especially not do it in the heat of the moment or when you have lost control over your emotions. Use this tactic skillfully and in a targeted manner

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Step 7. Have confidence in yourself

It cannot be said enough: certainty is compelling, intoxicating and alluring like no other quality is. The guy in the room who sprang up with a smirk on his face, smelling of confidence, is the one who is going to convince everyone on his team. If you truly believe in what you are doing, others will see it and respond to it. They want to be as confident as you are.

If you're not, it's in your best interest to pretend. If you walk into a 5 star restaurant, no one should know that you are wearing a rented costume. As long as you're not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, no one will ask you questions. When you deliver your pitch, stay the course


  • Being kind, sociable and having a good sense of humor helps. If you are a person that people like to spend time with, you will have more influence over them.
  • Try not to negotiate with someone when you are tired, in a rush, distracted, or just "out of the game" - you are likely to make concessions that you will regret later.
  • Watch your mouth. Everything you say should be upbeat, encouraging, and flattering. Pessimism and criticism are off-putting. For example, a politician who lectures on "hope" is likely to win an election. Talking about "violence" will not work.
  • Whenever you start an argument, agree with the person and state all the positives from their point of view. For example, if you want to sell your trucks to a specific furniture store and the manager throws you in your face, "No, I'm not going to buy your truck!" I like this brand for such and such a reason”. You have to AGREE, say something like "Of course trucks of such and such a brand are good, in fact I've heard they have a good reputation for over 30 years". Believe me, he won't be that competitive after that! From there you can provide your take on these trucks, like "But did you know that if your trucks fail to start due to freezing cold, the company will not be able to help you?" And you will have to call towing and pay for the repair of the trucks on your own? This will help him consider your opinion.
  • Sometimes letting your audience know that something is really, really, really important to you can help, and other times it doesn't work, so be quiet.


  • Don't give up all of a sudden: it will make them believe they have won and it will be more difficult to persuade them in the future.
  • Don't preach too much, otherwise they will just shut down completely and you will lose your influence over them.
  • Lies and exaggerations are never, ever, good choices from a utilitarian perspective. Your audience isn't stupid and if you think you can cheat without getting caught, you deserve what you get.
  • NEVER be critical or in a logic of confrontation with your target audience. It can be difficult at times, but you will never be able to achieve your goal with this method. In fact, if you're a little irritable or frustrated, they'll get stuck on it and get defensive immediately, so it's best to wait until later. So much later.

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